Have a happy new year!

Drink, smoke, do whatever, just be merry.

Toast to the successes of the year, say farewell to the failures, look to the bright future ahead.

Here’s a toast to the coming year.

I’ve been thinking about 2009. 2009 has been insane. The highest highs. The lowest lows. Cliche as it may seem, it’s been a rollercoaster year. It seems that the adage that tears always follows happiness and vice versa really proved right this year.

Scariest thing was, I lost my trust this year. One thing I never thought I’d lose, and by people I never thought would break it. I was blindsided, crushed, devastated. I’m still reeling. Like broken bones, it’s taken time to heal, and it’ll never be the same. It’s not as strong as it was before, there are still cracks in the  mend. Call me insane. Call me paranoid. Call me unreasonable. I’ve had fights with a person I never thought I’d never fight with. I’ve been crazy paranoid.  And like a wounded animal, I’ve been howling in the dark, licking at my wounds.

Thing is, I’ve been unbelievably happy too. Joy I’ve been unable to express, wanted to shout at the world. It was, and still is, memories I keep near and dear to my heart. Moments I won’t take back for anything, events I’ll remember forever. It’s been bliss. I’ve gone out on limbs and it’s been worth it. Heart on sleeves, I’ve experienced things that’s been worth all the while, all the pain that comes after.

2010 here I come. Older, bigger, with more scars, to build on. Hopeful heart with a trust that’s healing.

It’s gonna be an interesting year.

I am a child of Disney. A world of musicals, where cooking a meal needs a song and dance (Little Mermaid’s Les Poisson, a song of seafood) and a boat ride is symbolic of choosing between two men with a badger for a companion (Pocahontas’s Just Around the Riverbend). I love the idea of people breaking into song and dance for any reason. I just think life is better accompanied with music, and dance, why not (even if I can’t dance a lick)?

And obviously, I am a Gleek. This show of crazy show tunes and remixes of hip hop beats really pulls at the heartstrings. That even if I don’t believe one of em is young enough to be in high school, and the teachers I wouldn’t let 100 yards near children, it’s a new addiction.I especially love that the group that sings is composed of the high and the low, from the nerds to the outsiders to the biggest jocks in school. (So I wasn’t exactly a cheerleader in high school, is it that obvious?)

Singing is a release for me. Not for other people, just for myself. It relaxes me when I’m stressed. It makes me happy when I’m depressed. It expresses my anger way better than any screaming or hitting walls or people ever could.People around my workstation could tell you themselves they’ve heard me sing at least twice. With the speakers on, sometimes I even get carried away, but yeah I make sure there are like, 10 people left that can hear me. The next door neighbors at home I know hate me coz I blast the radio full blast and sing along with it.

There are genres and bands for each mood. Glee OST for happy, Aerosmith for when I’m pissed off. Wicked’s songs for when I’m depressed. It all varies from day to day, hour to hour.

I suggest you try it sometime. A round of videoke for the blues, a celebration with friends if you don’t want to sing alone. Or blast a couple songs in the shower using your ipod/radio. I swear it’ll help.

Perhaps this is my way of making the world more music friendly, or my trying to make people just break into song like in the movies, but hey, let’s give a girl a shot.

And if it doesn’t help you a lick, there’s still food.

No, not a drunken sleeping off at a public restaurant. A simple night out. With friends. And a Mr. Kabab wash off of the beer buzz they get and me just eating my special chelo feeling the night air.

I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for too long.

My head is always buzzing about things I should just forget, set aside. I’m giving myself ulcers and migraines for no good reason.

I can’t have that with Christmas coming up.

Just coz I’m too full and a little out of it.

I don’t particularly like these things, I just thought they were so pretty with all the layers and colors.