The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

If i keep my heart out of sight

I was never a very good actress. In high school, I never tried out for any school play. I was always the one volunteering to help behind the scenes. Coz no matter how hard i tried, I never learned to be anything other than myself.

Sometimes I wish I had that talent. Hide behind a mask, keep what I feel hidden. I’m textbook. When I’m sad I’m quiet, looking for answers in the sky, the ceiling, anywhere far away. Angry, you can almost see the smoke coming out of my ears. And when I’m happy, forget it. I skip sometimes. Transparency isn’t fun if you’re the one being read like a book. In this world, being a mystery is a premium, and the person with their heart on their sleeve, a joke.

Granted there is something to say for being totally honest and open, but these days, that would just be either naive or worse, alienating. Imagine if everyone just said everything and anything they felt or thought? We’d erupt in chaos.

I do believe that to survive, I have to learn to keep some things about myself, to myself.

For the meantime I’ll just try to keep my mouth shut.

One response to “If i keep my heart out of sight”

  1. I find it hard to express myself, that’s why im oftentimes misjudge! I always running away from everything. It feels lyk I can’t face the world 4 now, So I always wear my MASK. I am just alive in the Night, wondering and fantasizing, Because for the next Day I found it hard to face the challenges.

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