I really wish the universe would just stop handing me things that will make me stronger and just give me a win.

Less than a month after we lost Chester, our last dog Backo left us too. He was six and got sick really quickly. It was the first time we had to decide to end a pet’s pain. It happened very quickly, and the vet that helped him go over the rainbow bridge was kind enough to let us do it at home.

I’m grateful. That he didn’t suffer long. That we were able to say goodbye and help him through it. That it went peacefully. That we could afford the choice that didn’t force him through more pain. But for the whole of his existence I felt bad for Baracko. I should, and could have done better for him, but I didn’t.

So now we are a dogless, Chesterless household and now going into a new calendar year, we’re not any closer to being a home good enough for a new pet to be in. And i’m not placing blame unto anyone in particular. I’m hardly a rabbit mom sometimes, the amount of time I’m not home. I know I can only do this because Joannaman loves Peeper as much as I do. And I’m lucky to have that. And I admit I was not that when she needed me to for Oprah. And I will carry that in my conscience for the rest of my days.

So I’m asking the universe to stop challenging me to scar tissue and to please just send me kindness. A gentle breeze instead of the rough winds that have been ripping through my emotional sails.

Please?