The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

Temper temper

I’ll be the first to admit it. When I’m in a bad mood, there’s no saying what’s gonna come out of my mouth. I tend to NOT have a censor when I’m angry. So I make time to stay away from the people I’m pissed off at, just so I won’t say something i’ll regret later.

This is when i write.

I write down all the things i want to say. I know i’ll never let the person concerned read it, but the mere action of putting the words to paper is therapeutic. Needless to say, the works i’ve put down aren’t full of sunshine and rainbows.

And anyone who knows me knows I write a LOT of notes. To myself and to others.

Maybe i need a sounding board for all these things i want to say, but im afraid whoever that sounding board is gonna be, she/he will suffer under a LOT of abuse. And will probably not stay friends with me for long. Coz even i’m offended of the things that i say under the influence of anger. Stupid stupid things that I don’t really mean and wish i could take back coz they resound in my head, torturing the good friend personality that i tend to hold on to.

Saturday was no different. For some reason I got so annoyed over the littlest thing. So I got up, went to a quiet place to think and breathe. After a while even i realized how stupid i was being.

But if i said the things i wanted to say, i probably would’ve ruined a friendship.

And thanks to the person who made me laugh. It was the perfect distraction.

2 responses to “Temper temper”

  1. I too have bad temper, and write when I feel like my tank’s going empty. But usually I explode. Then, the next thing I know, either I’m all fucked up or there’s a broken chair (or vase or photo frame or…you get the picture) in sight.

  2. haha. my pillows and friends get the brunt of it unfortunately.

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