And I have this dream where I’m screamin’ underwater While my friends are wavin’ from the shore And I don’t need you to tell me what that means I don’t believe in that stuff anymore
I need to get my head out of bad outcomes. It’s not healthy, and I can’t live in the worst case scenario. But it’s difficult not to when unthinkable things have happened when you think it was just another day. Unplanned phone calls terrify me, and the first thought that comes to me is always “Who died?” because there were at some points, and those you didn’t prepare for. So let me be wrong. Let this be scarring from past phone calls and something I can work through with my therapist. -J
I didn’t mean to pick a fight But, oh well, note to self Four pints in, you’re someone else
If you can’t see my mirrors Then I can’t see you
This week kept going and going in ways that made me just want to stay under the sheets and bother my rabbit. And it’s not over yet. When does being a grownup get easier? -J
Lately, when faced with silence, my head plays the bars of this song. Loudly. Over and over.
You start a conversation you can’t even finish it You’re talkin’ a lot, but you’re not sayin’ anything When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed Say something once, why say it again?
When things are out of your control, what do you do? I think I try to change something. In this case now, I’ve been fixating on painting. I saw something that said accent frames and I thought I could do pink, and I painted my doorframes and some shelves pink. But it turned out too pink and I had to paint it over. It took me three weeks to pink a different accent color, which, because it was matte and very dark compared to my current very white interiors, look like someone finger painted my spaces.
I know I can hire someone to do this, but for now, I like figuring it out. Am I getting better? No. If anything now there are 20 layers of shitty paint where there wasn’t really an issue before that. Maybe this is a metaphor for my life. Let’s hope I can focus this energy on just trying to work out instead.
I’m just going to listen to my song of the moment for now.
Maybe I, maybe I just think All he needs is a little something Maybe that little something’s me Maybe I’ll be his exception And I’ll never be the same Maybe I, maybe I could change him Unless he doesn’t want to change
