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Life is short, week 18 of 52
Status report: Hives 3x this week, no migraines. Life is short moments to note: 1. A baby hike that was fully squishy. I am not the fittest person. I don’t really go outdoors for fear of frogs. But I actually like the baby hikes that are frog free is what I realize. Two years of being told to stay indoors I guess. Or just seeing other views that are addicting. Who knows. 2. Exploring a walkable city. I love cities you can walk in. Granted I need thermal leggings and puff jackets in weather below 20 degrees celcius, I still love seeing new places that are safe and I can…
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Life is short, week 13 of 52
Status report: 3 days of migraines, 2 of insomnia. Trying to stick to better habits, but still cooking my liver. 1. Clearing my head. My foray into semi anonymous humanity was a very intense learning experience. It made me learn a ton more about myself, (Tbh I’m getting really tired of all this self introspection, I like learning about other people) and it just makes me more grateful for my people. 2. Someone else willing to drive. Migraines and insomnia do not make a good driver, so I am incredibly grateful for my access to people who are willing to drive around and just help. It’s a lot considering where…
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2022 — I’m going with, “Life is short.”
In 2021, it was all covid fatigue. We’ve been a year in. I knew I was in a not good place to begin. I came up for air bruised and battered, and all the more scarred. I hope I really made the moments count. There were a lot of decisions made under the guise of “Life is short.” Sure, there were decisions that ultimately hurt like hell afterwards. But there were also ones that changed me for good. I’m not going to go into details that can get me into trouble, but suffice to say— I did my best to live while I could. Having lost two friends tragically (not…
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What I’m grateful for, week 50 of 52
1. Incredibly smart people that are kind. Often, one can show up without the other. I’ve been lucky enough to know and love people that are both. I learn so much everyday and I’m thankful for the people that make that a human experience and not just a transactional one. 2. Progress. I am an extremely impatient person, and more than once I have cried about setbacks the past week, but at the end of the day, even the smallest steps are still steps. I can often forget that, so this is a good reminder. 3. Being able to witness people show up to an office talent show. It may…
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So I’ve been thinking about chemistry
And it’s not really about chemistry in the romantic sense, but mostly how my brain responds to things. I mean, I’ve made a ton of questionable decisions because my brain decided, “Dude, we want this.”. It floods my system with the chemicals to make my pulse quicken, my breath shorter, and even with the quietest voice in the back of my head trying to lead me into the path of self preservation, the chemicals keep winning. It’s the same ones that always lets the ID win. I am an impatient, short tempered, dickish person when I don’t get my way (outside of work), and when something I want won’t get…
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I think you should listen to Ezra Furman’s “Every Feeling” today
Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Sex Education on Netflix (where this song is from), or maybe I just need a break from the same 50 songs I’ve been listening to for the past six weeks, but this song really hit me. I’m gonna feel every feeling in the book tonightFuck the hurt, fuck the painFuck the panic, fuck the hate I wanna feel every feeling in the book tonightAnd only love, only love and happiness will remain And I’m not trying to sound different with all the cuss words that I don’t really use on this thing, but I think these lyrics are quite apt. I haven’t had time to process anything…
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Hit like a frying pan
I only found out yesterday that GQ came out with an article about Anthony Bourdain, compiled of snippets from the people that really knew him. I knew I had to read it immediately and in private the words just resonated with me, especially this quote from Lydia Tenaglia and Chris Collins, his colleagues from Zero Point Zero Productions, and who he’d been working with his whole television career. People were detailing how they found out and this is what they said: Tenaglia:Â I don’t think it was a shock that one day we would get a call. It was like, “Okay. Maybe we should prepare ourselves that one day Tony’s either…
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Can I keep you?
Lately I’ve been thinking about loss. With my sister and a friend going to wakes one day after the other, another terrible number up on this year’s wake count, I cannot help but think of who we can keep. Honestly, I am quite lucky, my parents are both here and generally healthy (I say generally because they are not perfectly there but that’s another conversation entirely). I got time with both grandmothers and one grandfather. My mom’s siblings are all thriving. Cousins are intact and can be direct messaged or sent embarassing videos at any time. Friends who’ve stayed are those who are amazing (and even saw me through my…
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To a home of my own
I plan. I make lists and dream about the future, growing up for me was a scary, but amazing concept of independence and free choice. One of the things I have always thought about, was a space of my own. You see, growing up, our nondescript address always had people lost, deliveries delayed, and people scared. The neighborhood itself was okay, but the surrounding areas you had to go through to get to it, difficult. Growing up as well, going to friend’s houses, I noticed all the good, the bad and the ugly, and the things that I wanted growing up, I have found, I still want. So let’s keep…
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On looking at the bright side
Most people hate the rain, and why wouldn’t they? It makes driving harder, which makes it more traffic to get to work or wherever it is you need to get to, and so on and so forth. It soaks your outfit, makes a mess on the floor, makes your dad yell at you when you come in with wet Chuck Taylors (long story). But it also makes for this view at the Banaue Rice Terraces: We forget how beautiful nature is sometimes when it’s beating down on us and is seemingly endlessly depressing. We forget that it makes the grass green, the trees lush, flowers bloom, fruits exist. The…
