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What made me happy as of week of May 15, 2023
Status report: Only one hive breakout! But the whole week my brain wouldnt let me sleep. So much to think about, and I need to give myself some space and boundaries. Work in progress. I had some bright spots. It was a rollercoaster of a week and there were a lot of things on my mind. Good things. Crazy things. Out of bound things. But mostly, good. 1. Having an aha moment with my (adopted) team. Sometimes it’s the big things, sometimes it the small things. This week, it felt like this small moment of collaboration was a good way to get things going. We can all learn from each…
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The last time
The last time I had a crush, he used words like esoteric around me, spoke in a really calm, breathy manner, and was, by all accounts, very brainy. I was infatuated with his intelligence, and ignored all the red flags that were clearly all around him. It was, as most of my crushes go, horrid. He showed me over and over what kind of a person he was, and I smoothed it over in my head with the thoughts of what we had in common. Even my friends were telling me how badly it would go for me, but as anyone who’s had a crush can attest, it needed to…
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I hope you live a life that makes you happy
There have been a few things that has brought to my attention, how time has passed in my life, and how I am “no longer a spring chicken”. The first being — the rabbit I have lived with for 8 years being called an old man by his vet. The second, the realization that my friendship high school turns two decades old this year. The last, that during a routine blood pressure check, I was at a 160/90. These three things may seem small, but I’ve been thinking about them a lot. I have a very simple life. I work, I hang out with my rabbits, and if I’m lucky,…
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Life is short, week 18 of 52
Status report: Hives 3x this week, no migraines. Life is short moments to note: 1. A baby hike that was fully squishy. I am not the fittest person. I don’t really go outdoors for fear of frogs. But I actually like the baby hikes that are frog free is what I realize. Two years of being told to stay indoors I guess. Or just seeing other views that are addicting. Who knows. 2. Exploring a walkable city. I love cities you can walk in. Granted I need thermal leggings and puff jackets in weather below 20 degrees celcius, I still love seeing new places that are safe and I can…
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Life is short, week 13 of 52
Status report: 3 days of migraines, 2 of insomnia. Trying to stick to better habits, but still cooking my liver. 1. Clearing my head. My foray into semi anonymous humanity was a very intense learning experience. It made me learn a ton more about myself, (Tbh I’m getting really tired of all this self introspection, I like learning about other people) and it just makes me more grateful for my people. 2. Someone else willing to drive. Migraines and insomnia do not make a good driver, so I am incredibly grateful for my access to people who are willing to drive around and just help. It’s a lot considering where…
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2022 — I’m going with, “Life is short.”
In 2021, it was all covid fatigue. We’ve been a year in. I knew I was in a not good place to begin. I came up for air bruised and battered, and all the more scarred. I hope I really made the moments count. There were a lot of decisions made under the guise of “Life is short.” Sure, there were decisions that ultimately hurt like hell afterwards. But there were also ones that changed me for good. I’m not going to go into details that can get me into trouble, but suffice to say— I did my best to live while I could. Having lost two friends tragically (not…
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What I’m grateful for, week 50 of 52
1. Incredibly smart people that are kind. Often, one can show up without the other. I’ve been lucky enough to know and love people that are both. I learn so much everyday and I’m thankful for the people that make that a human experience and not just a transactional one. 2. Progress. I am an extremely impatient person, and more than once I have cried about setbacks the past week, but at the end of the day, even the smallest steps are still steps. I can often forget that, so this is a good reminder. 3. Being able to witness people show up to an office talent show. It may…
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So I’ve been thinking about chemistry
And it’s not really about chemistry in the romantic sense, but mostly how my brain responds to things. I mean, I’ve made a ton of questionable decisions because my brain decided, “Dude, we want this.”. It floods my system with the chemicals to make my pulse quicken, my breath shorter, and even with the quietest voice in the back of my head trying to lead me into the path of self preservation, the chemicals keep winning. It’s the same ones that always lets the ID win. I am an impatient, short tempered, dickish person when I don’t get my way (outside of work), and when something I want won’t get…
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I think you should listen to Ezra Furman’s “Every Feeling” today
Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Sex Education on Netflix (where this song is from), or maybe I just need a break from the same 50 songs I’ve been listening to for the past six weeks, but this song really hit me. I’m gonna feel every feeling in the book tonightFuck the hurt, fuck the painFuck the panic, fuck the hate I wanna feel every feeling in the book tonightAnd only love, only love and happiness will remain And I’m not trying to sound different with all the cuss words that I don’t really use on this thing, but I think these lyrics are quite apt. I haven’t had time to process anything…
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Hit like a frying pan
I only found out yesterday that GQ came out with an article about Anthony Bourdain, compiled of snippets from the people that really knew him. I knew I had to read it immediately and in private the words just resonated with me, especially this quote from Lydia Tenaglia and Chris Collins, his colleagues from Zero Point Zero Productions, and who he’d been working with his whole television career. People were detailing how they found out and this is what they said: Tenaglia:Â I don’t think it was a shock that one day we would get a call. It was like, “Okay. Maybe we should prepare ourselves that one day Tony’s either…
