The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

I hope you live a life that makes you happy

There have been a few things that has brought to my attention, how time has passed in my life, and how I am “no longer a spring chicken”. The first being — the rabbit I have lived with for 8 years being called an old man by his vet. The second, the realization that my friendship from high school turns two decades old this year. The last, that during a routine blood pressure check, I was at a 160/90.

These three things may seem small, but I’ve been thinking about them a lot. I have a very simple life. I work, I hang out with my rabbits, and if I’m lucky, I get to hang out with my loved ones. Rinse, repeat. It is a very routine, predictable cycle, that I would enjoy a break from now and then. The beginning of this year, for almost a full month, was out of the box for me, with a lot of socialization, a lot of driving, and a lot of unusual things that took me out of an uncomplicated pattern for a little bit.

So I think I’m just going to say fuck it and make this a year of Doing things that make me happy. As long as I am not hurting others deliberately, still be able to provide for my rabbits, and relatively survive, I think — it’s time to stop thinking about the next 30 years, but think of the next 30 days, or weeks.

The way I’m going, this life is killing me slowly anyway, I might as well enjoy it. Maybe be a bit less conservative with my choices, and live because I still can. People die everyday. Quickly because of car crashes, or they decide they’re done and hang themselves on a rope, or because their body was just like, “Fuck you, I’m going to grow a tumor in your brain that you can’t treat and just ravage you until you’re left a shell of the vibrant, sarcastic person you once were.” We don’t know what life decides to deal us tomorrow. Nothing is fair. We don’t get better chances because we do good for others. So do good for you. Before it’s too damn late.

So what have I done lately that made me happy? Here are a few highlights of 2023 so far, in no particular order:

  • Today’s “Tita” hedonistic day of farmer’s market food, 2.5 hour massages, and Korean barbecue. Anne, Joannaman, and myself taking hard earned money and in my opinion burning it well, and with no one to have to explain to.
  • Being able to travel with my best friend again — to a new destination (Bali), and an old favorite (Hanoi). Verdict: Bali was semi peaceful, especially in the Ubud hilly area, with all the rice fields, but the croaks of frogs ruined peace for me. I get the appeal, but I’m not sure I would go back, unless I had someone to carry me over the sides.
  • Peeper Peeps being such a big personality. Her side muffin. Her way of always bounding over when she hears the slightest crinkle of a bag. When she tucks herself in with the rug when we turn the AC on. I love her. I wish Chunky and Chibi could have met her. She is still very much a defensive bun, but her 4 years of living as a foster is the cause of that — she is still a very happy one, and for that I am grateful.
  • A gorgeous view in an unusual place. Even ill-advised airbnbs can still surprise you. I am not a person to “staycation”, much more so to places that have a tough drive. Even more when the bathroom isn’t great. However, the saving grace of a staycation airbnb with a drive that almost made me weep, a view of Metro Manila people like me in the middle of it rarely see. A quiet, almost haunting skyline of smog, lights, and millions of people almost a little too far away for comfort.  Clean air you can truly breathe deep in. And best of all, stars that shone brighter because of less light pollution. I missed looking at stars and not having to hurry up to go somewhere or go back to sleep. I do like nature, when there are no frogs to ruin it.

Songs of the year so far:

Flowers by Miley Cyrus

Say it First by Sam Smith

July by Noah Cyrus and Leon Bridges

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