Category: Love/Life

39.
Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life

39.

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

I could be freaking out right now, or really sad, but really, I’m going to try and lean into the It is what it is way of thinking. My impatience, my temper, my overthinking, are all sabotaging just enjoying the moments. Clear spots of light in dark days when you don’t feel like getting up, when things feel too heavy to lift.

I have people around me that love me and show up for me and there are people out there that can’t say the same. When I was 25 and was a little more naive, I wrote in here that I wanted to spend all my birthdays henceforth in front of the beach, and I have spent a lot of birthdays since smelling salty air, sand between my toes. But I’ve spent them with friends in amazing cities too, and have had some epic adventures that I didn’t expect to have.

So I guess I’m approaching this year with a bit of recalibrated expectations. Not of Everest or grand gestures, but moments that count long term. Real ones that fold into a day to day that are meaningful. And I’m hoping I can show up for the people that I love in the same way. Even when my basest instincts are screaming into my head to just retreat in exhaustion.

But for now, let me listen to The Cardigans in peace.

I think you should listen to Mac Miller’s Manakins today
Love/Life · Songs to listen to

I think you should listen to Mac Miller’s Manakins today

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Maybe it’s the food poisoning and not being able to eat anything, but Mac Miller has been so helpful today. And also pretty sad. I was putting off listening to this release because I wanted to be in a lighter headspace, but Balloonerism is just so easy to fall into.

They tell you that you need to sleep, and suddenly you do
Scared you gonna wake up as someone who isn’t you
We’ve all been down that road before, poured alcohol on open sores
Nobody can hurt me if I go inside and close the door

Excuse while I close the door. -J

I think you should listen to The Weepies’s Volunteer today
Jodythinks · Love/Life · Songs to listen to

I think you should listen to The Weepies’s Volunteer today

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

It’s been a quiet, tiring week, perfect for listening to The Weepies.

With lyrics like these:

The metal straps upon my knees made this sound when I fell
You heard those words from your peers, I was just your volunteer.

And these:

How your life cuts me, it cuts to my bone.
We pretend that it’s nothing, when we’re on our way home.
And I wish you’d abandon me here so I could be your volunteer.

It’s hard not to feel it all. Listen to The Weepies’s Volunteer here.

Jodythinks · Love/Life

It‘s been a week.

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

And it’s still going.

I’ve been so grateful to have my friends around to start the year. It was too short, and also a lot of things at the same time. I could feel my brain overloading and needing just a sit and a rest for a few hours. I space out — just feeling content sitting in the same room with people I love, on my side of the world for once. I recognize how rare an opportunity this is for us to breathe the same air. To just hear them laughing not from a microphone.

My life is different from what I thought it would be growing up. It’s filled with pockets of sunshine when the dark that I deal with every day threatens to take over. When the voice in my head saying that there is no good to all of this really, I get a random text from someone I love across the world, reminding me how much there is for me to look forward to.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that’s talking. -J

Love/Life

Wow.

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Taken from Novotel Cubao this week — a very concerning look at what we’re breathing in on a regular basis. I sincerely thought at first that it was rain showers, then a dirty window. Turns out it’s the smog.

I may be panicking a little. ~j

Jodythinks · Love/Life

In defense of bad financial decisions

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

I have not been making great financial decisions. In a particularly tense economic climate, I have chosen to fly across the world, three times all over the US, to be around people I love.

It’s been very dark in my head. A lot of loss, making my peace with grief, and anxiety about *gestures at everything* has made me a migraine suffering insomniac with high blood pressure, acid reflux with a touch of disordered eating.

And I fear I may be putting myself in more financial ruin by emotionally attaching to more people not just across one, but two continents. Maybe it’s the attachment issues. Maybe I’m just tired of losing people. Maybe I just need people to stay.

-J

Jodythinks · Love/Life

I’m holding my breath

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Lately, I keep catching myself letting out, or gasping for air. I literally keep holding my breath and don’t know why I’m doing it. I still don’t. But it’s now an annoying reaction to a lot of things.

Maybe it’s a reminder to take deeper breaths. Maybe it’s an indication that I’m holding inner tension. All I know is that it’s an inconvenient reaction to things that I’m trying to understand.

-J