The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

To the uncertainty of life

Since March of 2020, I’ve repeated the same phrase over and over, usually when I’m trying to justify a choice that’s not smart, practical, or necessarily good.


It’s becoming more and more accurate the more time passes. We keep losing people right and left. There’s wars, genocides, famine, floods. It’s almost absurd how apocalyptic the weather has been, and the situation with the economy just seems to get more dire.

I am choosing to live in the moment. We don’t know who’ll get hit by a car tomorrow. Or turn up dead in a ditch somewhere. Or live after a devastating tumor, but be a shell of their former selves, existing but not really living.

I am very lucky. To be able to make these “insane” choices. My parents have provided for my education and housing, and have taught me to work for a living. I have not had to worry about affording my next meal or being able to pay rent.

So I am going after experiences. Life. However messy. Choosing to go where it takes me.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say outside of “I’m trying to live.” There are too many people who aren’t here that should be. Who we will never see again, and I’m not wasting more of my time.

And I will keep living as long as the universe will let me.

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