The blues, the reds, the greens

I’ve got the blues.

The birthday blues.

This is new. I am usually a big fan of birthdays. Celebrating them, planning surprises, thinking of little gifts for the people in my life. I love finding the perfect present, the best way to celebrate. It’s that person’s own little day, that only happens once a year, and, the sap that I am, i try my darndest to be the catalyst for them to be happy it’s their birthday.

Now my birthday, this year, I feel like hiding under the covers and putting out a sign that says “Go away.”

I’m turning 23 in a couple of weeks and every time i have that thought this ominous, heavy feeling takes over me. I’m not really sure what it is, but it just happens. I’m usually a happy bunny anticipating what to do, how to properly do it up.

I’m just tired.

I don’t even want to think of a party where I invite people and all I get are replies of “Pass.”

And don’t even get me started on the standard question: “Sinong pupunta? (Who‘s gonna be there?) It kinda kills the sentiment of: ‘Please be there coz I want to be with the people I love on my birthday and you’re one of them”.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I’m alive, I’m healthy, I have good friends, my family loves me.  I have more than enough. And for that I AM grateful.

But i don’t know if i feel like celebrating the me I’ve been this year.

A realistic optimist just trying to find her way.

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