The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

End of year post (A few weeks early)

I’ve been thinking about 2009. 2009 has been insane. The highest highs. The lowest lows. Cliche as it may seem, it’s been a rollercoaster year. It seems that the adage that tears always follows happiness and vice versa really proved right this year.

Scariest thing was, I lost my trust this year. One thing I never thought I’d lose, and by people I never thought would break it. I was blindsided, crushed, devastated. I’m still reeling. Like broken bones, it’s taken time to heal, and it’ll never be the same. It’s not as strong as it was before, there are still cracks in the  mend. Call me insane. Call me paranoid. Call me unreasonable. I’ve had fights with a person I never thought I’d never fight with. I’ve been crazy paranoid.  And like a wounded animal, I’ve been howling in the dark, licking at my wounds.

Thing is, I’ve been unbelievably happy too. Joy I’ve been unable to express, wanted to shout at the world. It was, and still is, memories I keep near and dear to my heart. Moments I won’t take back for anything, events I’ll remember forever. It’s been bliss. I’ve gone out on limbs and it’s been worth it. Heart on sleeves, I’ve experienced things that’s been worth all the while, all the pain that comes after. 🙂

2010 here I come. Older, bigger, with more scars, to build on. Hopeful heart with a trust that’s healing.

It’s gonna be an interesting year.

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