The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

Finding my voice again

What I felt like for so long

I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve used my voice. My real one. The one that tells other people who I really am. I guess it’s my fault really. I let myself get lost in the sea of voices around me, stronger, more significant ones that I thought I needed to hear before I shared my own. I felt that in order to keep the chaos of my life to a manageable din, I let myself fall silent at the expense of others.

This was nobody’s choice but mine. I lived so long putting my voice over others that I failed to hear the most important words around me. I alienated others. I forgot what was important. So I sank back and let others’ ideas, opinions and feelings wash over me and took it all in.

It worked for a while, and then I felt myself slowly losing myself and not getting a chance to put in anything above a whisper.

Now I find myself getting back the decibels I need to put myself where I need to be without losing others. I’m trying to keep the balance of talking and listening and not just letting my voice, my thoughts be heard, but hear what others have to say too.

I have my voice back and I’m not letting it fade into the background anymore.


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