My ghost is

It has happened. Three different doctors, without consulting each other, have (actually written down in those prescription pads!) prescribed that I lose weight. You know that phenomenon when three people who see the same ghost don’t talk to each other but described the same entity makes it true? Well then my ghost is 20+ extra pounds on my apparently weak frame who can’t (and shouldn’t) support it.

Suffice to say I feel very attacked right now and wanted immediately to dive into a plate of cookies and a jug of half and half as I headed home, but nooo, my rehab doctor (who seems quite strict) said explicitly that the next time I come in (which is in 7 days from now), I should weigh less. Remind me to wear my lightest dress and eat AFTER the consult to help myself without starving myself.

I know I should stop complaining because this is the result of my own choices in overloading my maw every time decent food is in the horizon. I am an emotional eater, and when you work from home AT NIGHT and are trying to stop buying jewelry (which is another issue altogether, I KNOW), the easiest way to get a rush of endorphins when your knees won’t even let you climb STAIRS like a normal 30 something, said cookies and half and half jug sound really good.

I could go on and on and blame my upbringing, my incessant need to have my worth validated which is satiated by making my family food, or everything else, but I am a full grown woman and I know that whining myself through this isn’t the answer. If I want to avoid surgery (which, 2 doctors have said is a very close possibility), arthritis, or further constant pain, I need to get my eating habits out of the gutter and in control.

I will whine myself through this for the next few days but ultimately, I know my stubbornness and fear of disappointing a medical professional will get me through the late night soda cravings and my new recipe for mac and cheese itching to be made and eaten. I don’t think it will ever be this easy like I’m making it sound, but it has be easier than getting my knees sliced open to correct them, or to be constantly hindered in movement.

While my body and I won’t have the perfect relationship and ice cream will always tempt me, this body and I have some 40+ or so years or so together, and that won’t be easy if I have to have outside implements to get it somewhere.

Now to find a doctor who’ll prescribe weight loss surgery (I kid).


A realistic optimist just trying to find her way.

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