The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

What we owe

I have been thinking about the universe, and what we owe. I believe that life owes us nothing, and that we’re here for a short period of time. If that’s the case, and the universe owes us nothing, does that mean we owe it zero too?

Raised Catholic, I’ve always been told that while we’re owed nothing, we owe everything to an ever knowing, powerful being that created us out of nothing. And while I am not atheistic at this point, I don’t think we can reduce a singular being to teachings by flawed, self-serving men in the beginning of time who had the influence to be able to contribute to a book that can’t be questioned or reinterpreted.

I am not here for a religious debate, but rather, to pose a moral question. If life owes us nothing, and we owe it nothing, then what’s the point? Who even measures this exchange? What are we here for? If we’re here to serve and we die before we have the chance to, or are unable to because we are inequipped physically, financially, or morally to do so, does that mean we’ve fked up? Or is it jut a luck of the draw? If you know more, are you luckier than the ones who can freely do morally bankrupt things because they aren’t able to grasp the extent of the damage they’re dealing?

I’m going round in circles. I’m lost. What is the be-all and end all goal of humanity? Is it to be successful? What is the measure of success? And if it’s not success, then what is it? To marry, have kids and continue the species? What if you’re incapable of that? Aren’t there already too much people in the world to still think like this? Is having progeny even moral at this point with a dying planet? And if it’s to love, what if it never works out for you, and you never have the chance to do this, are you a failure as a person?

I am asking more questions that I have the answers to, and honestly, I am not sure I can spin this positively to end. Since I have roughly 40 more years to navigate and no fking idea how to do it, I am asking for your help. Because sometimes it’s too damn hard trying to see years into the future, and I’ve stopped trying to plan for more than a year in advance.

Do you know what we’re here for? Can you tell me?

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