The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

This was me.

It doesn’t look like me and the pose is awkward, mostly because this was four sangrias in with little sleep.

I’d like to think I was happy in the photo this was based on, albeit a bit dazed. Pre-pandemic, and just a little bit spoiled by having one of my favorite friends around for longer than usual, and being irresponsible with everything else in my life.

And I was. Selfish and dropping everything else that wasn’t work or fun. I barely knew what was happening at home or helped out at all.

The rest of 2020 was a learning experience for me. In both good and bad. I felt like I farmed secrets. Secrets had grown from small things to big, life altering things. I changed my life and made choices that I would never have made otherwise. Things that thrilled but also scared the heck out of me. And that person that smiled for the photo? Not really me anymore.

But even if I have to live with things hidden in my life, I wouldn’t change a thing. I LIVED. It hurt like a motherfucker some of the time, and it was undeniably beautiful the rest, but I got to LIVE.

It’s a lot. Honestly I’m grateful. And I know who I am after the scars (there are actual scars still, if anyone has a scar remedy please let me know) is one who has learned a ton. Of who I am, and who I can still be.

I’m hitting 35 this year, and even with only the buns and me running away from my family if they try to hug me because it’s probably a trick, it’s going to be a hell of a trip.

Who are you now? How has last year changed you?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.