We all have our own special hauntings. An ex, a mistake we once made, and if we’re that unlucky, we get to see those mistakes on a fairly regular basis. We’re all haunted by the past, from simple memories throbbing in our own heads to actual physical embodiments of the decisions we made in the past.
I don’t know why I keep turning to the past when I’m confused in the present. I guess it’s just a reflex, the “What the f__k did I do to get to this point in my life” question just keeps popping up in my subconscious every time I have time to think. Usually this happens on the way to, or way home from, work. The solitary commute gets me thinking, if i did this, or didn’t do this, would I not be on this mrt home alone?
Saying “I’m only human.” would not only be a cliche, it would also be a huge cop out. I am a thinking being (well, sometimes) and I have made most of my decisions without the urging of others. Sometimes I make them at the direct opposition of others smarter than me, or sometimes they just have a better perspective I guess. But when it comes to things concerned with feelings or even the four letter word I won’t even mention right now, I am an idiot. That I admit. I think. I reason. I know what will happen in the end. And even if I know I’ll be bruised and battered in the end, I soldier on. Coz I’m all about the short game. What will make me happy in the present, who gives a flying fig what will happen after that.
But I digress.
I am giving up the ghost. All the ghosts. Moving on, letting go of the past. Coz that’s just what it is. The past.
Bring on the future. 😛