The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

And I will listen

Those who know me know that I am not the friendliest of people, or the most talkative. I sit. I listen. I am there most of the time to lend an ear. This has perhaps lent me an air of coldness or superiority, but really, I am more just there for the people who I love.

I find myself mostly by myself.

I am not one to share too much, talk too long. I guess even at a point when everyone wanted to hear my story, I was wary of being the center of attention and masked my brokenness with humor, or sometimes anger. That is to say, when I want to vent, I will, but not really. I am happy to sit in the presence of my friends, listen to them talk, and be there.

You will gawk at me when I say that I feel more an introvert than one who thrives in the middle of a group, as I am often in the middle of one during work functions, or at a random restaurant. But yes, I do. I am not one to approach a person to introduce myself, or say Hi! to a person I haven’t seen in a long time unless I know them very well. I respect people’s space and am wary that I won’t be recognized because I have not kept in touch all that well, or reach out more often.

I guess that’s the appeal of this blog, that I will be able to express myself when needed, and better than I could in moments that I might regret what I say in frustration or fear. It gives me time to think, edit, and clean up my thoughts to a somehow logical train of thought.

But I will listen. I sometimes am afraid that I am not able to express how grateful I am to the people around me, or am more reserved than I wish, but if you are a friend, know that I am. I am happy just listening to conversations around me, and contribute when needed. It’s where I find myself most content.

So please, talk. Let me know if you need an ear, and I will be there. Or show up where I live. I am more than willing to listen, and if asked, tell you what I think. Because I like listening. People are infinitely more interesting than myself and I like getting to know them and their lives more than hearing myself talk.

So, do you want to talk? 🙂

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