Committing to one person for the rest of your life is difficult. Think about it. You decide that this person, who was not raised with the same values, priorities, wants and needs as you, is the person you’ll be with for the rest of your life. This makes a lot of things very difficult, as even something as mundane as how clean you want your space to be, would be a challenge if clean means something different for one person, and is distinct from the other’s.
We watched Sa Wakas, a play based on what was our favorite band several years ago, and while I didn’t know what the play was about going in, I figured based on their most popular songs that it would not be a comedy. What I found out during the play itself was it chronicled a breakup from the end to the beginning, and the big and little things that break a relationship. And while the main character had a girl on the side that fractured them, his fiancee wasn’t perfect either. It was little comments, micro, passive aggressive comments belittling the other person, and not believing in the other that contributed to the end.
It really struck me to hear these things and see them on a stage being acted out, because I hear them, little things coming from me through the years that have broken not just my romantic relationships, but my friendships as well. Thinking I was better than this person, and preaching from my soapbox when I wasn’t faultless on my end either. I think in my own little way, it’s the insecurities and trying to justify my actions and lifting myself up, I use these microaggressions to bring people I feel resentment to down to my level, or worse, break them as much as I think myself as broken.
Of course painting yourself as the victim every single time is tempting, and I admit I’ve used this card a lot. It’s been easy to blame the world for my problems when I know I can pick myself up from the pity party I’ve been continually throwing myself time and time again and move on after letting it out.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I will try and stop playing the world’s victim and take more responsibility for what I’ve done as well.
And if I forget? Remind me.