The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

To letting go.

I keep forgetting what I want to put down on paper. These days it’s all about distractions. It all feels like one big mesh of things coming at me, all of which I’m not sure of. But it feels exciting. See, I am all about the planning. I like making sure things go the way I planned them to. I ensure all things I’m involved in are precise, exact, according to plan.

Not this time. I feel like with my current job, which requires a lot of planning for things, and analyzing trends and preparing for the worst but hoping for the best, I either become quite useless to my life outside work by forgetting to bring my toothbrush to trips or trying to plan for other people’s days because I see what would be the most optimal way they can (according to my head).

My life, which used to be on this straight path with no turns is now on a strange roller coaster that I’m not even sure I’ll survive (well, does anybody survive life? We all end up dead).

Being high strung has helped me at work but not at life, and I have been trying to let go a little, and sometimes I let go a lot. After a day of work I can hardly string decent sentences together sometimes, and my friendships and relationships have suffered when my temper is short or I was too much in my head.

So brain, scatter. Give me room to breathe and maybe that will help me relate to my peers better. Be a better friend. No plans can sometimes be the best plan. See where life takes me, because when I try to hold on too much, it’s just ended up in chaos and regret.

And maybe my life will be better with a bit of letting go.

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