The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain


I don’t have a poker face. Anyone who has met me has let me know that I have RBF to begin with. It is very hard for me to fake my way through something I don’t agree with, which makes being an adult hard sometimes.

What I learned early on as an adult, a big part of it is dealing with things you would rather not. Endless piles of laundry, doctor’s appointments by yourself, and social situations you’d rather not be involved in. It’s a lot, and there are times you just want to throw a tantrum and not deal with it. It’s a cycle. When you’re young you’re not expected to, as a functioning adult, you have to, and there’s a point when you’re old enough that you don’t need to.

Why am I talking about facing things like an adult? Because this year has been an ongoing lesson of it. One of the biggest things I’ve had to really take to heart is to stop my mouth/or fingers (from typing) from running away with me. I have also noted that the more I keep something I want to say in a heated moment, the less I have to apologize for after, a lesson I’ve learned from seeing it in my dad and brother, but also the hard way from my outbursts in the past.

So what now?

There are still a lot of things on my plate that I need a lot of patience for. I like to do things quickly and have them revert quickly but I know that other people have things to do and their own pace. I take a breather when I’m feeling frustrated. I treat myself to things I don’t deserve (massages, nice dinners, very recently jewelry). In as much as I want to plan for the long run, the other voice in my head reminds me that life is short. That there is little reassurance that my stay here is long enough for me to enjoy what I put aside.

But who knows?

What have you had to face as an adult lately?

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