The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

Are we there yet?

Am I sick or just anxious?

It’s hard thinking about the long term sometimes. Life changes things up so often and in such big ways, that no matter how much you plan, how hard you hope, how many prayers were offered, it changes. Or it ends.

Living’s complicated. The grind is getting harder. The poor is getting poorer, the rich are getting richer, and those of us in the middle are doing all we can just to stay afloat. We do all these things to escape from the day to day, but put our long term savings on the line to do so. But what else are we doing all this work for?

If we’re lucky enough to survive the next 40-50 years, what do we have to look forward to? A dying planet. Jobs that are getting harder and harder to get and keep. Blatant breaches in decency. Truth that is now twisted to what is most convenient to the one hearing it.

I’m scared honestly. For the choices we have to make in the future as the adults. For what we have to accept, and what there is to find.

On a Friday that started full of hope and a mug each of 2 espresso shots, genmaicha and liquid vitamin c, I am trying to pull myself out of dismay.

Maybe I should just stop reading the news.

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