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Today has been hard. Here’s a bun photo to lighten today’s load.
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Dear Nanay
Dear Nanay, It looks like we’re going to miss All Saint’s weekend and your second death anniversary prayer/food gathering with the family. And Christmas. This is going to be my first Christmas without the rest of the family, as we’re being extra cautious and not doing any socializing without a vaccine. If anything else, your eldest is still paranoid as heck about health. It’s going to be difficult on top of an insane year and I remember when the lockdown was first announced, we discussed as cousins how we were going to keep you at home if you were still alive, and who would have to tell you the news.…
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I still don’t know what to say
What can we say after most of a year being in lockdown? The fear that it will be even longer still? The uncertainty of what we face in still unprecedented times? So I’ve been trying to get out of being in my head a lot of the time and listening to a better voice, one that used to be Anthony Bourdain. It’s been difficult trying to find solace in a man that died by suicide. However, just hearing him speak still gives me that sense of a friend who’s going through things too, but will always be willing to listen. So I will take his words, sent to David Chang…
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I think you should listen to Florence and the Machine’s Rabbit Heart today
Anyone who’s met me knows I am a crazy rabbit lady (my friend Marian Jo has mocked up collages even) but this is a whole different thing. I have been working by myself a lot, and when you work nights, the times are even quieter, and even though I use a friend’s music around 60% of the time while working, when I need to fill the quiet, I listen to songs I can sing to. I have been listening to Florence and the Machine’s Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) lately. The lyrics are apt for a lot of things I’ve been thinking about: Life is so different since March that…
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I don’t know what to say.
We’re all living in a dystopian world, and we’re all having to deal with this apart from the people we’re living with. Somehow it doesn’t feel real. What’s happening to everyone in the world right now. And while I can genuinely call myself fortunate, my family is healthy, together and keeping each other in what these times can only call sane, you can’t help but feel for everyone else going through crap right now. I guess it’s the demonizing of other people that’s making it harder. Everyone is facing a kind of isolation but also trying to be there for each other. Where we used to just run to each…
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Of octopuses and grade school
There is a running joke between my grade school friends and I, that we all used to be pogi, and now we’ve grown out of it. It’s always jarring looking at photos of us from the time, where nobody had a haircut lower than our chins, where you couldn’t wear a skirt outside the uniform without being made fun of, and being girly was almost a dirty word. It took me a long time to change my perspective, and moving schools was the only way I could grow out my hair to the length it is now (it took me about 2 years, and I’ve never cut it above my…
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I think you should listen to Bazzi’s Paradise today
Sometimes you just need to unwind, and I need to unwind. It’s a shame I gave up alcohol and soda for the next month, but that doesn’t mean that I still can’t have fun yeah? But yes, I do not have the excuse for any alcohol fueled behavior. Really though, is there anything more dangerous than the combination of no sleep and stress? I do want to have fun, hopefully at a beach, or a rooftop, with a nice view, or maybe just sitting with friends somewhere fun to eat. For now, since we are all adults that have responsibilities (some responsibilities more intense than others), we have to wait…
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I think you should listen to Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love” today
I have been holding in rage all day, and really, it’s misplaced, and like what I’ve just been told by my sister and mother, I really shouldn’t pour it on others. So I will listen to moody songs and angry music and will keep trying to sing this out. And I told you to be patient And I told you to be fine And I told you to be balanced And I told you to be kind And in the morning I’ll be with you But it will be a different kind ‘Cause I’ll be holding all the tickets And you’ll be owning all the fines I feel like I…
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What we owe
I have been thinking about the universe, and what we owe. I believe that life owes us nothing, and that we’re here for a short period of time. If that’s the case, and the universe owes us nothing, does that mean we owe it zero too? Raised Catholic, I’ve always been told that while we’re owed nothing, we owe everything to an ever knowing, powerful being that created us out of nothing. And while I am not atheistic at this point, I don’t think we can reduce a singular being to teachings by flawed, self-serving men in the beginning of time who had the influence to be able to contribute…
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I think you should listen to Rihanna’s Love on the Brain today
I’ve been thinking too much about work lately. And it shows, even conversations with friends/family are spent discussing ideas I have been working on, and I am back to working in my offline hours. I am trying not to, still afraid of burning out, and the last time it didn’t really work out well for me. But hey, I know I can stop when I can and if I should, who knows? For now, it’s working, and I will find other ways to occupy myself outside of work. But I digress. I have had this song on repeat for a bit this morning, and here’s what I think, sometimes, it’s…
