The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

Life will out

I’ve had time to myself this past year. For a number of different reasons. Surprisingly, I’ve found that I actually enjoy the solitude sometimes. Walking around, just listening to music on earphones, or just enjoying the view, there have been a lot of introspective moments for me. It has been educational. Defeaning. Sometimes defeating.

Not to say I don’t enjoy the company of others. I do. There is nothing that makes me happier than sitting with my friends, the people I love and just listening to them laugh. I admit sometimes I just let my mouth run away from me, if it makes them happy, it’s worth it.

But I digress. (This seems a common theme here, but hey, I do that a lot.)

I have had to deal with a life change recently and it’s been quite the experience. The initial reaction, processing with myself, processing with others, some much less sober than me, some a little too clear. I’ve been dealing with the decisions I’ve made all week and it hasn’t been easy. Personally, the longer this change sits with me, the easier it’s getting, the lighter it feels, but I’m unsure how to be there for the others this change is affecting.

It’s been intensely comforting and also unsettling talking to people and I am immensely grateful to those who’ve I’ve spoken to about it. It’s been interesting to see how some have reacted and the comfort it’s provided in some cases, and some less than others.

I do believe that life will figure itself out, and sometimes I just need to enjoy what’s happening. But give me a minute.


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