The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

What made me happy as of June 12th, 2023

Status report: Hives are back and angrier than ever. Finding a better way to keep myself active so I can sleep better is also a little difficult, but not impossible. Consistency really is something I need to work on, especially with all these medications.

The bright spots of the previous week:

1. Finding The Clumsy Lass. I find solace in poetry, especially in quieter days, when all I feel is the compulsion to yell out because no one is listening. This particular piece really spoke to me:

So the next time

my heart gets drunk on adrenaline

just by looking into someone’s eyes,

I’d rather not fall.

I’d choose to walk,


in a pace not too slow

that I miss every chance I get,

and not too fast

that I forget to even think.

I have a tendency to want to run towards things I like with no thoughts of self preservation, or, when hurt, completely shut down.

2. Planning things. After a long wait, good news about long shots turned our way, and now, good things await. There’s a lot to pin down, but in good ways.

Songs of the week:

Miles Apart by Nick Wilson

Favorite Crime by Olivia Rodrigo

Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish


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