The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

You light up my life

I have been wanting to get one of these since we saw them more than 5 years ago. Thank goodness for small favors (and the randomness of shopee) that we’re now able to have this on the car, it feels a bit more like Christmas.

This year is going to be so different in how we celebrate the holiday, and I use the term celebrate loosely. While we understand how lucky we are to have all members of the family still here this year (unlike millions of other families), it’s a significantly smaller table, and an incredibly quiet one as well.

I have made my feelings about Christmas pretty clear. I love it. I love being around my extended family. Using one glass because we’re too lazy to pick up one of our own and fill it with ice. Arguing over who ate this much of the food before it even got to the table. Our family is loud and we overeat, and we have traditions that make me happy. We are pivoting this year to celebrating apart, and will see each other post vaccine, when we can share glasses again.

This has been making me less enthused about something I usually wait months for, and plan food and gifts for almost half a year in advance. It’s no tragedy. There are actual tragedies people are dealing with and I am aware of that.

I guess I’m a sucker for the hope that next year will be different. For the family. For other families going through difficulty. For everyone who thought this year was going to be THEIR year. 

And six readers, I hope you are a few of those hoping with me. It’s been a hell of a year and it’s not over yet. And I know it feels like hoping for a different year just because we’re writing down a different number seems like an exercise in futility, I still want to.

Because what else do we have but the idea of hope and joy to come?

And also because it’s Christmas. Have a good one.

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