The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

I’m gonna need a minute.

The Anthony Bourdain Documentary Roadrunner just came out with its first trailer, and needless to say, I am a fucking mess. Yes. I am a mess. I have watched that trailer 5 times, and have cried every.single.time.

If you’ve met me in the past 15 years and have had more than 4 conversations outside of work, you’d prolly know how much I fangirl over the man. I’ve written about him here and there, and I always ask people what they think/thought of him.

It really resonates with me that he was flawed. He was incredibly honest about his past addictions. Medium Raw had a full chapter of a really bad time in his life when he was in an island driving drunk and high and almost really hitting walls a few times. For a person who’s had so much success and had so many people love him, and still not get there to just be content.

I was watching a clip of him and Eric Ripert last week, and he said something like “I’m busy for a reason, people like me need to fill our days otherwise we can go down the deep end.” to that effect. I felt that. I’ve been filling my day with background noise, either a repeat of a tv show, or music I can sing along to. It helps me not to think too much or go down bad paths.

Maybe that’s something. I gravitate towards people that are all too flawed. I tend to enjoy people’s humanity much more than the curated “lifestyles” that are out there. Scars and all, people I love are rarely “Instagram perfect”. But I digress.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m going to need help getting through this documentary on July 16th. Maybe tubs of ice cream, several hugs, more than a few negronis.

Are you watching Roadrunner?

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