I’ve been writing down things a lot. Trying to make sense of my life and what I want to do with this year. An unexpected turn of events has thrown me by a lot. But I’ve gone through harder things, and have all the tools to get to a better path. Although right now, I’m still in the wallow stage, burning through my sugar allotment for the year in a week, and hoping like hell I don’t need to do any blood tests soon.

I’m finished praying for your downfall
I can’t keep begging for what I lost
And cursing tough love from a good God
Keep whistling, boy, I was never your dog
But I’m done praying for your downfall

You can listen to the song HERE

With everything that’s happening in the world today, I’m either feeling like I’m drowning or taking more risks under the excuse of fuck it, we ball. Which is a much less filtered version of the Life is Short mantra I’ve used since we lost our friend Josh. This song by Emily James feels like it.

If you make me bleed
That’s alright, honey, I’ll live
Let’s make believe
We’ll ever be the same again
Loading that gun, pretending we’re innocent
Over my head, under the influence

You can listen to the song HERE

I’m done with pleasantries
This world sometimes is a joke
But I’ll plant seeds on your body
Oh, Oh baby if you let me

You can listen to the song HERE

This may just be the sugar crash talking, but I feel like crap. I eat bags of sugar and other unhealthy snacks, my mouth is worn away by the acid in the candy, and i feel fuzzy.

So let’s just listen to Jensen McRae.

We don’t talk about the heavy
Am I even in your plans?
If I have your heart forever
Can I have this dance, can I have this dance?

You can listen to this song HERE

Being sick has been rough. Not a lot of sleep. Struggling to get up. Struggling to nourish myself, and to rest. But the 40c fevers have gone and now I only have to contend with the ongoing gross cough. So I think my music has been needier, and a little more unguarded. Like today’s favorite tune.

Tell me I’m going real big places, down to earth, so friendly
And even through all the phases, tell me you accept me
Well, that’s all I’m dying to hear

Listen to Rose HERE

The weather has been punishing. Overwhelming heat all day and all night, stifling humidity. It’s all I can do not to turn the airconditioning on all the time. It’s not helping, I know. So I’m dreaming of beach days and cold drinks while I coughed my way through the past week.

And all I have, it doesn’t seem so significant
And at the drop of a hat
My whole world’s getting different
So here we go, off road

Can we be at the beach now? -J

Lately I’ve been listening to covers. Mostly because I keep listening to the same songs. This one hit me today.

You’ve been so unavailable
Now sadly I know why
Your heart is unobtainable
Even though God knows you have mine

You can listen to this song HERE.

I spent the weekend painting my space pink. I couldn’t find a moody color that would go with a blush pink bed frame (it was on sale OKAY).

You learnt my love, you hit the target
You get that rush, and then you walk out the door
You kept me small, it’s what you wanted
I never noticed

I would apologize to the neighbors for the really bad headset singing but they smoke so.

You can listen to the song HERE.

How are you feeling? -J