With everything that’s happening in the world today, I’m either feeling like I’m drowning or taking more risks under the excuse of fuck it, we ball. Which is a much less filtered version of the Life is Short mantra I’ve used since we lost our friend Josh. This song by Emily James feels like it.

If you make me bleed
That’s alright, honey, I’ll live
Let’s make believe
We’ll ever be the same again
Loading that gun, pretending we’re innocent
Over my head, under the influence

You can listen to the song HERE

I’m done with pleasantries
This world sometimes is a joke
But I’ll plant seeds on your body
Oh, Oh baby if you let me

You can listen to the song HERE

This may just be the sugar crash talking, but I feel like crap. I eat bags of sugar and other unhealthy snacks, my mouth is worn away by the acid in the candy, and i feel fuzzy.

So let’s just listen to Jensen McRae.

We don’t talk about the heavy
Am I even in your plans?
If I have your heart forever
Can I have this dance, can I have this dance?

You can listen to this song HERE

Being sick has been rough. Not a lot of sleep. Struggling to get up. Struggling to nourish myself, and to rest. But the 40c fevers have gone and now I only have to contend with the ongoing gross cough. So I think my music has been needier, and a little more unguarded. Like today’s favorite tune.

Tell me I’m going real big places, down to earth, so friendly
And even through all the phases, tell me you accept me
Well, that’s all I’m dying to hear

Listen to Rose HERE

The weather has been punishing. Overwhelming heat all day and all night, stifling humidity. It’s all I can do not to turn the airconditioning on all the time. It’s not helping, I know. So I’m dreaming of beach days and cold drinks while I coughed my way through the past week.

And all I have, it doesn’t seem so significant
And at the drop of a hat
My whole world’s getting different
So here we go, off road

Can we be at the beach now? -J

Lately I’ve been listening to covers. Mostly because I keep listening to the same songs. This one hit me today.

You’ve been so unavailable
Now sadly I know why
Your heart is unobtainable
Even though God knows you have mine

You can listen to this song HERE.

I spent the weekend painting my space pink. I couldn’t find a moody color that would go with a blush pink bed frame (it was on sale OKAY).

You learnt my love, you hit the target
You get that rush, and then you walk out the door
You kept me small, it’s what you wanted
I never noticed

I would apologize to the neighbors for the really bad headset singing but they smoke so.

You can listen to the song HERE.

How are you feeling? -J

All my adult life, I’ve been the person my parents raised me to be. Obedient. Respectful. Following a path I’ve been conditioned to pursue. But what if I’ve missed living while I was chasing the life I was supposed to be on?

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving
And I’m standing still

You can listen to the HERE, while I go think about my life choices with my birthday coming up.

I’m going to tell you a secret. I do a lot of self regulation on a regular basis. I’m impatient. Intense. Driven. Short tempered. There is no universe where I fully relax. I don’t sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. My brain is both exhausted and unable to switch to screensaver mode.

That’s why something is always in the background where I am. The same 8 tv shows. Anthony Bourdain speaking. Otherwise, there is an overflow of thoughts that are rarely productive or helpful. I am actively working on it but it’s still in progress.

Then there’s music. I have a playlist for most things. Right now I like yell-y things. One of these songs is Taylor Swift’s Florida.

Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time
Yes, I’m haunted but I’m feeling just fine
All my girls got their lace and their crimes

I will sing it in between meetings, in the car, in the shower. It’s just so damn satisfying. -J

Please don’t ask me how I’m doing, I don’t have good news.

Why is it love is never kind to me?
I heard that fools rush in, and, yeah, that’s me
It burns me time and time again
So why am I still fixing for this frying pan?

I feel like I need to hit myself with a frying pan sometimes. -J

You can listen to Handlebars HERE