The human heart was—and remains—a mystery to me. But I’m learning. I have to. —Anthony Bourdain

Keep me awake

sleepy time

Imagine waking up crying, not really remembering why you were sobbing so hard you roused yourself from sleep.

Now imagine that happening everyday for a week.

Welcome to my life.

Now I don’t know if it’s the coming back from vacation(was in Palawan for five days), the incessant tea drinking, or the Gossip Girl marathon, but something’s been causing these crazy, disturbing, but unmemorable dreams. I seldom remember dreams, but I usually just jerk awake coz I dream I was running or something like that. Nothing to this extreme. I mean I never really cried much until this year, and now I’m waking up to tears on my pillow?


According to a friend, it’s unexpressed emotions trying to work their way out when I’m not controlling them. So after all those drinking sessions and journal entries and crying over movies I didn’t even care about before, I stil have unexpressed emotions?


To be fair, I’m not exactly the usual I want to talk this out person. I’m tired. I don’t want to talk about things. I actually feel better listening to other people’s problems now. The feeling of helping them just by being there, soothes me. And even if sometimes you just want to bonk them on the head for not doing the right thing, or continuing on an insane path that’s leading them to destruction.

Yes I am being mother hen-y again and trying to protect the people I love from the world and other people. I know I’m trying to do too much and just bringing stress and heartache to myself, but hey, when they hurt, I feel the pain too.

(Here I go again, forgetting the original thought and running down paths to the unknown)

But yeah, keep me awake. The dreams are scary, and not in a “There’s a ghost behind you!” way. They’re effing visiting a prison and get stuck there,  relatives dying scary. (From what I remember)

And it’s a crappy dappy way to wake up. I get crying yourself to sleep coz you know what’s happening, but jeez.

So keep me awake. Or at least, wipe away the freaking dreams.

Coz really, they’re not helping.

2 responses to “Keep me awake”

  1. when you cant point your finger to anything or anyone else, blame it on hormones. It’ll keep you sane to know somehow that its just hormones, something biological, and there’s nothing wrong woth you. :p

  2. Ok, from now on, hormones.

    Damn hormones.

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