1-1-2015. Today, like all January firsts of our lives, are when we feel most hopeful. It feels like a clean start, like the date changing is an opportunity to change and be better. I am sure the resolutions will be quiet but worked on for at least the first couple of weeks. Fitness, career and personal goals will be defined. People will be generally “more” on all aspects (Insert holiday weight joke here).
I have to admit I do feel that this time of the year, and somehow, like 90% of people, I tend to sit back and not work at what I want as much by the time February comes around.
So the goal is general this year, and I am borrowing from a friend, who borrowed it from his friend.
This year I will be moving mountains.
What will you be doing this year? What goals are on the docket?
I hate the notion of Filipino time, and the expectation that it’s okay to be hours late to a social gathering, or meeting a person. I am not one of those people who can just show up at my own leisure to something I know started at a certain time.
It’s demeaning and disappointing that the “Filipino time” concept is an acceptable, even expected in our culture. Why set a time when no one will be there? I have actually set fake times, 2 hours early sometimes for things, and people still show up three hours later. I know of people putting fake times at their wedding invitations because they know that people will be late. These ultra expensive, incredibly difficult to plan once in a lifetime events in someone’s life, and people don’t even take the effort to show up on time for it, is saddening.
Sure there’s traffic, and life happens, and all these things, but aren’t we adults that can be clear and say, I can’t make it at that time because of this, or that? The excuses are the worst, or the “I’m almost there”s and the “On my way” when they’re still at home is depressing. Why set a time you know you won’t be there for? Let’s be adults here and say, oh, there are things at home and I will probably not make it at the time we talked about, can we change the time so we’re both there at the time we can? Simple, quick, real.
So please, when you make plans this 2015, and onward, be honest. We deserve better than the excuses.
A thought came over me today, as I was hugging a colleague goodbye. Touch. We as a culture, are very careful about it. We’re not a touching culture. Shaking hands, hugging, are foreign concepts to us, that we took on when we absorbed other cultures and became more global.
And I get it. We’re very conservative. The Catholic roots, the idea of propriety and the horror of a misconstrued gesture. Of jealous husbands or wives seeing their significant other with their arm around a friend and thinking there must be something funny going on. Even standing too close can be the start of an argument, since it’s not just their eyes that they’re thinking about, but others’ as well.
I am not very touchy. I do not like doing the “beso” that comes with greeting almost strangers because it feels a little strained. My handshake is quite limp for not shaking hands until I’m offered one. I pick the people I touch to be honest, because I think this is something that should not just be for the sake of social niceties, but a respect of personal space.
I think we can benefit from touch though. There is nothing like getting hugs from a friend you’ve missed and not seen for a while. That feeling of sitting next to your grandmother as you sit and eat a meal together. Your favorite uncle’s arm around you, asking about how you’re doing. It’s a comfort that comes with talking, and when well done, helps us connect and have memories that are multidimensional, since we not only know the roughness of their palm, but their distinct scent, cologne mixed with a hint of sweat after cooking a meal, or that fresh, just got off the bath and jumped into the car smell.
So I am now finding the balance for the standoffish way I can be with other people, without invading people’s comfort, and it being a thoughtful, nice gesture each time. Being more comfortable with doing so in our family, where we aren’t the type.
If you’re in the Philippines, you’ve probably spent hours and hours in traffic getting to places. This year, the traffic is a different kind of struggle, and the malls, like a zombie outbreak. We’re stressing out on an extreme level because everything is taking three times as long, and it’s scary going out there. Crimes against motorists, commuters are on a record high, and the average Juan can’t catch a break while the imprisoned rich are living 200% times better than us.
I do think there is a lot to be thankful for. For the fact that we actually have people to meet and places to go to that we’re braving the traffic and paying extra to get there. That we have the ability to buy the presents we want to give to our loved ones, even if we have to swim through the crowds to do so.
I hope your Christmas is kind of like the photo above (which is a rabbit diving into the food carrier), that even with a bit of struggle, is worth every second of effort.
It’s so simple. Fiona Apple’s Hot Knife is one of the simplest songs but so good. Stay smitten. Hold on to the someone who makes you melt like butter.
If I’m butter, if I’m butter (I’m a hot knife, I’m a hot knife) If I’m butter, then he’s a hot knife (I’m a hot knife, he’s a pat of butter) He makes my heart a cinemascope screen (If I get a chance, I’m gonna show him that) Showing the dancing bird of paradise (He’s never gonna need another, never need another)
I love it. And it’s not extremely cutesy, which I admit I tend to be sometimes.
So thank you Fiona Apple for the song that if you don’t have someone that you immediately think about when you listen to it, then I hope in the future, you do.
At my place of work, November is crazy, December is nuts. That’s what happens when you work for a company that’s in the business of Christmas.
There’s worry, stress and all kinds of things that come up, that stretch, and even break some people in this business.
That’s why today, my dear 12 readers, I think, is a good day for John Mayer’s Clarity.
The lyrics are laid back, and gives you the few minutes that we sometimes forget to take when we’re all running around trying to get things done. If you’re feeling anxious, and crazy, and don’t really know what’s happening around you, take the time to step back, have a few minutes to yourself, and maybe have it on the background.
But this morning There’s a calm I can’t explain The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain, oh
So go be who you are and do what makes you happy (as long as this doesn’t directly cause pain to someone else), because your world has an audience that you cannot control, and there will always be critics who think they’ve read you like a book.
The opinion that matters is your own.
Love yourself, and others will love you for who you are.
Be a ripe, juicy peach, shiny and sweet, and take all the joy out of being the best you can. (And try not to hurt others along the way)
I’ve been thinking about loss. My friends have been dealing with losing their parents. A mother, a father. My parents have lost two of their closest friends. Lately it seems like too many wakes, too many funerals. Phone calls are scary, as they bring news of another loved one passing away.
And the timing is surreal. One week after the other, and this weekend, the whole country will mourn their losses again. All Soul’s Day is at hand to pay respect to people we’ve lost. Sometimes old wounds are reopened as the pain feels new and fresh, with their graves the only thing staring back at you when you call their name.
I cannot imagine the loss my friends have felt, or my parent’s as friends for decades have come and gone. I can only be there for the people that have been left behind, the hole that was left, gaping and devastating to the ones who loved them most.
I hope today you hug the people you love and tell them how much they matter to you. Savor their presence in your life. Forget about the small annoyances or disagreements that overcome your affection for them. Talk a little even if you’re running around ragged, tired from every other thing that you had to do today.
And I hope this weekend you get to remember the good of the ones you’ve lost. Tell them thanks, wish them well in where they are now. A place without pain, loss, emptiness and that sick feeling you get when you realize a person who has closed their eyes and stopped breathing will never open them again.
And I hope you love today, before it’s too late. Love because you’re worth the feeling, and love because they deserve it too.
Today, on a work day Friday, I encountered a bunch of things at work that have, as they have been doing so all week, made my head spin.
I had to stand up, get a drink of water, refreshed my face with a splash from the faucet to reboot my perspective as I was getting overwhelmed with all the bad things pouring in, and issues I could not seem to keep from happening that I thought I already had a handle on.
But I had to stop.
Talk about your joys.
I think, for us, dwelling too much on a problem, or discussing it in detail, can be as toxic as the problem itself. You see the bad stuff, you focus on it, you bemoan the cards life dealt you that day, that week, that month.
You go over it and over it for what?
Sure, venting and ranting can help ease the pain, but it can twist it in further too.
Not looking for a solution, finding the good in the situation, is just going to plunge you into the hole you dug yourself.
Talk about the joys you’ve had today, this week, this month or this year. Small or big.
Maybe that will lift your spirits. In the wake of bad things, find the good.
For me today, I have a few simple things:
1. A bunny licked my hand today. This, according to all the literature I read, means they trust me, love me and are trying to groom me. I had not taken a shower yet, so bunny, I get your point and I love you too.
2. I was able to mix spaghetti and chili leftovers into edible pasta. I had my doubts, but I have not had to run to the bathroom or go to the emergency room so I’m good.
3. I was able to fix a few things that were making things difficult, and found more data on things that were a little questionable the past week. Information is power and I’m liking that I’m finding things out.
4. I have been having two San Miguel Apple beers every day for the past week. Hello happy dinners, but also hello beer belly. Oh yeah. 🙂
