I’ve been thinking about loss. My friends have been dealing with losing their parents. A mother, a father. My parents have lost two of their closest friends. Lately it seems like too many wakes, too many funerals. Phone calls are scary, as they bring news of another loved one passing away.

And the timing is surreal. One week after the other, and this weekend, the whole country will mourn their losses again. All Soul’s Day is at hand to pay respect to people we’ve lost. Sometimes old wounds are reopened as the pain feels new and fresh, with their graves the only thing staring back at you when you call their name.

I cannot imagine the loss my friends have felt, or my parent’s as friends for decades have come and gone. I can only be there for the people that have been left behind, the hole that was left, gaping and devastating to the ones who loved them most.

I hope today you hug the people you love and tell them how much they matter to you. Savor their presence in your life. Forget about the small annoyances or disagreements that overcome your affection for them. Talk a little even if you’re running around ragged, tired from every other thing that you had to do today.

And I hope this weekend you get to remember the good of the ones you’ve lost. Tell them thanks, wish them well in where they are now. A place without pain, loss, emptiness and that sick feeling you get when you realize a person who has closed their eyes and stopped breathing will never open them again.

And I hope you love today, before it’s too late. Love because you’re worth the feeling, and love because they deserve it too.

Today, on a work day Friday, I encountered a bunch of things at work that have, as they have been doing so all week, made my head spin.

I had to stand up, get a drink of water, refreshed my face with a splash from the faucet to reboot my perspective as I was getting overwhelmed with all the bad things pouring in, and issues I could not seem to keep from happening that I thought I already had a handle on.

But I had to stop.

I think, for us, dwelling too much on a problem, or discussing it in detail, can be as toxic as the problem itself. You see the bad stuff, you focus on it, you bemoan the cards life dealt you that day, that week, that month.

You go over it and over it for what?

Sure, venting and ranting can help ease the pain, but it can twist it in further too.

Not looking for a solution, finding the good in the situation, is just going to plunge you into the hole you dug yourself.

Talk about the joys you’ve had today, this week, this month or this year. Small or big.

Maybe that will lift your spirits. In the wake of bad things, find the good.

For me today, I have a few simple things:

1. A bunny licked my hand today. This, according to all the literature I read, means they trust me, love me and are trying to groom me. I had not taken a shower yet, so bunny, I get your point and I love you too.

2. I was able to mix spaghetti and chili leftovers into edible pasta. I had my doubts, but I have not had to run to the bathroom or go to the emergency room so I’m good.

3. I was able to fix a few things that were making things difficult, and found more data on things that were a little questionable the past week. Information is power and I’m liking that I’m finding things out.

4. I have been having two San Miguel Apple beers every day for the past week. Hello happy dinners, but also hello beer belly. Oh yeah. 🙂

 

What are your joys today?

Life will hit you with all it’s got. It’s going to be devastating. People will tell you that your troubles don’t compare to those who are starving in the streets, who are going through civil war. Ignore them. Your pain is yours that is why it’s important.

Don’t let anybody tell you what matters. It matters to you, it matters.

Don’t let anyone give you a timeline of what you should be doing at your age, comparing you to others. Do things at your own time. Fall in love at 20, 30, or 60. Do not shortchange yourself to a life that means fitting in, becoming what they need you to be. You have to live with what you choose, who you choose, and that doesn’t have a deadline.

But if you’re the type to follow the path, do it. If it feels right. If that is what makes you happy, do it. Find the right guy at 21. Make plans. Marry him at 26, have your first child at 27. Breastfeed. Send them to great schools. Follow the path mostly traveled.

Life doesn’t come with cheat sheets. There is no clear way of how to live it “right”. You have to choose the path that feels right. If your gut is nagging at you about something, listen. Think about it. Figure out why it doesn’t feel natural to you, or something seems off. Change why it is. And as that ubiquitous song goes, “Let it go.” if it doesn’t quite fit. You’ve tried hard enough. You’ve fought for it enough.

Believe that you can do it because you were built to withstand pain, obstacles in your path. Your support system, no matter how obvious or unorthodox, will help you if you can’t do it alone. There are hundreds of ways and a myriad of places where you can connect to others that are going through the same thing, as long as you decide to find it and look hard enough.

Break barriers if you need to. It’s difficult and it will hurt, but it will make you stronger. What you’ve gone through will change you, and hopefully make you wiser for the future. If not, you can chalk it up to life experience, or an amazing story to tell on your next first date.

Love until it hurts, but don’t give up yourself to do it. Make yourself matter because those who love you will treat you like you matter to them. They will not hide you. They will not hurt you, physically, emotionally, psychologically. If you tell them it hurts and if they don’t stop, figure out why. Help them stop a cycle of abuse, of themselves and you. If you’re scared, ask for help.

Love yourself. Bravery is following your own path, and too often, we love others more than ourselves and lose the path we were meant to take. Be brave enough to speak up when you feel unheard. Don’t let them step all over you. Heal.

How brave are you today?

 

The knee pads in the photo are fairly new. They’re a new staple to the me that I’ve been this year, since being told I have osteoarthritis. Basically, I wore down my knees to almost non-existent cartilage protection, and started limping. MRI, diagnosis, options, and voila! Age and dirty jokes abound when I had to start wearing these, but they are honestly a godsend. I really like walking around, and with these, i can actually do that without wincing after 30 minutes. Which isn’t really surprising as two doctors told me that I wore my right knee down to the bone.

It’s disappointing, really, as I used to spend hours just leisurely walking, or did futsal for fun, and did boxing and muay thai for a while. With this condition, I have had to change perspectives and find alternative ways to get active again, and actually help myself with this thing, as excess weight only exacerbates the issue.

So what’s the solution to this bit of a conundrum? I don’t know yet. If anyone would like to let me tag along in their low joint impact activities, please, let me know. I am open to most anything, and I think having a friend to work out with helps a lot with keeping yourself motivated.

So what’s keeping you active?

Whenever #throwbackThursday rolls around, I always see these insane posts of photos of people 4 years ago, 10 years, 15. Captions are usually “(Number of) pounds ago, or “Before I had  eyebags” or “Wasn’t i supposed to be more successful by now?”. I think the throwback Thursday posts are a way of reliving our past, whether it be a past figure, a friend you haven’t seen in a long time, and makes us think of regrets we’ve had, or how little we’ve accomplished since then. Looking at yourself younger, more fit, and all around “better” can be a kick to the senses. I know I’ve had those moments when I was like, “If I knew I was going to be this chubby, I would’ve worn string bikinis years ago.” or “Augh, what have I done since this photo?”, little things that nag you and make you nostalgic and a little bit down.

I say, honor your past for what it has done to shape you to who you are today. That teeny pooch you didn’t have 5 years ago that you first got travelling to HK and eating so much street food. Those bags under your eyes because your 3 year old kept you up every single night for a week. The wrinkles around your mouth because you can’t stop smiling in the house you just bought for yourself, even if it means 5 more years of payments to get it to be fully yours.

You earned it. Every bag, wrinkle or pooch. You’ve lived. You’ve experienced so many things since that photo of you in that microskirt that would never fit you again. You’re wiser after the string of bad women that have loved you and left you and know what a good relationship feels like, and what it takes to keep it.

Live. Do it for yourself. Do it for those who can’t because their situations are dire, or they’re not financially able, physically capable.

Make these years count. Stop looking back with regret and thank yourself for surviving what you’ve gone through and being able to live.

We only get one life in this earth, make it the best you can.

 

 

I liked the initial idea, of finding someone that travels, takes photographs, writes, reads. It really is a nice concept. To date a person who travels because they’ll bring into the relationship what they absorb from exploring other cultures, who writes because you’ll have awesome poetry inspired by you, all of that.

It’s a novel idea, using someone’s passion as a basis for seeing them, but using the same basis, we can quantify anything.

Date a guy who beats you, because it’ll make you stronger surviving it.

Date a girl who’ll spend your money, because you’ll learn to save.

Date a guy who doesn’t shower, so you can do that together.

Date a girl who takes selfies for hours so you’ll have time to play video games.

And so on, and so forth.

Why don’t we just date? Be happy with who we’re with, and if we’re not, know when to work on it, and when to move on.

Love doesn’t have quantifiers. We have types for sure, some people are attracted to musicians, some only want those who can provide, but to find one that fits your type doesn’t mean it’s true love, sometimes it’s great to find someone who’ll completely go against all you thought you wanted but is what you need.

These “Date a Guy/Girl who __________ articles for me, sometimes set an unrealistic expectation for people who go in and see the idealized person because they are (type in quantifier here)s. Let’s look at people for their full, entire personalities and go from there.

Break the norm. Just Date a Guy or a Girl. Without quantifiers. You never know what might happen.