I’ve been thinking about loss. My friends have been dealing with losing their parents. A mother, a father. My parents have lost two of their closest friends. Lately it seems like too many wakes, too many funerals. Phone calls are scary, as they bring news of another loved one passing away.

And the timing is surreal. One week after the other, and this weekend, the whole country will mourn their losses again. All Soul’s Day is at hand to pay respect to people we’ve lost. Sometimes old wounds are reopened as the pain feels new and fresh, with their graves the only thing staring back at you when you call their name.

I cannot imagine the loss my friends have felt, or my parent’s as friends for decades have come and gone. I can only be there for the people that have been left behind, the hole that was left, gaping and devastating to the ones who loved them most.

I hope today you hug the people you love and tell them how much they matter to you. Savor their presence in your life. Forget about the small annoyances or disagreements that overcome your affection for them. Talk a little even if you’re running around ragged, tired from every other thing that you had to do today.

And I hope this weekend you get to remember the good of the ones you’ve lost. Tell them thanks, wish them well in where they are now. A place without pain, loss, emptiness and that sick feeling you get when you realize a person who has closed their eyes and stopped breathing will never open them again.

And I hope you love today, before it’s too late. Love because you’re worth the feeling, and love because they deserve it too.

Today, on a work day Friday, I encountered a bunch of things at work that have, as they have been doing so all week, made my head spin.

I had to stand up, get a drink of water, refreshed my face with a splash from the faucet to reboot my perspective as I was getting overwhelmed with all the bad things pouring in, and issues I could not seem to keep from happening that I thought I already had a handle on.

But I had to stop.

I think, for us, dwelling too much on a problem, or discussing it in detail, can be as toxic as the problem itself. You see the bad stuff, you focus on it, you bemoan the cards life dealt you that day, that week, that month.

You go over it and over it for what?

Sure, venting and ranting can help ease the pain, but it can twist it in further too.

Not looking for a solution, finding the good in the situation, is just going to plunge you into the hole you dug yourself.

Talk about the joys you’ve had today, this week, this month or this year. Small or big.

Maybe that will lift your spirits. In the wake of bad things, find the good.

For me today, I have a few simple things:

1. A bunny licked my hand today. This, according to all the literature I read, means they trust me, love me and are trying to groom me. I had not taken a shower yet, so bunny, I get your point and I love you too.

2. I was able to mix spaghetti and chili leftovers into edible pasta. I had my doubts, but I have not had to run to the bathroom or go to the emergency room so I’m good.

3. I was able to fix a few things that were making things difficult, and found more data on things that were a little questionable the past week. Information is power and I’m liking that I’m finding things out.

4. I have been having two San Miguel Apple beers every day for the past week. Hello happy dinners, but also hello beer belly. Oh yeah. 🙂

 

What are your joys today?

Life will hit you with all it’s got. It’s going to be devastating. People will tell you that your troubles don’t compare to those who are starving in the streets, who are going through civil war. Ignore them. Your pain is yours that is why it’s important.

Don’t let anybody tell you what matters. It matters to you, it matters.

Don’t let anyone give you a timeline of what you should be doing at your age, comparing you to others. Do things at your own time. Fall in love at 20, 30, or 60. Do not shortchange yourself to a life that means fitting in, becoming what they need you to be. You have to live with what you choose, who you choose, and that doesn’t have a deadline.

But if you’re the type to follow the path, do it. If it feels right. If that is what makes you happy, do it. Find the right guy at 21. Make plans. Marry him at 26, have your first child at 27. Breastfeed. Send them to great schools. Follow the path mostly traveled.

Life doesn’t come with cheat sheets. There is no clear way of how to live it “right”. You have to choose the path that feels right. If your gut is nagging at you about something, listen. Think about it. Figure out why it doesn’t feel natural to you, or something seems off. Change why it is. And as that ubiquitous song goes, “Let it go.” if it doesn’t quite fit. You’ve tried hard enough. You’ve fought for it enough.

Believe that you can do it because you were built to withstand pain, obstacles in your path. Your support system, no matter how obvious or unorthodox, will help you if you can’t do it alone. There are hundreds of ways and a myriad of places where you can connect to others that are going through the same thing, as long as you decide to find it and look hard enough.

Break barriers if you need to. It’s difficult and it will hurt, but it will make you stronger. What you’ve gone through will change you, and hopefully make you wiser for the future. If not, you can chalk it up to life experience, or an amazing story to tell on your next first date.

Love until it hurts, but don’t give up yourself to do it. Make yourself matter because those who love you will treat you like you matter to them. They will not hide you. They will not hurt you, physically, emotionally, psychologically. If you tell them it hurts and if they don’t stop, figure out why. Help them stop a cycle of abuse, of themselves and you. If you’re scared, ask for help.

Love yourself. Bravery is following your own path, and too often, we love others more than ourselves and lose the path we were meant to take. Be brave enough to speak up when you feel unheard. Don’t let them step all over you. Heal.

How brave are you today?