1. As stated above, this guy. He’s been extra clingy this week. Which I hope means he recognizes me as his human again. It’s been a while bud, I’m not going anywhere.
2. My sister’s cooking kick. She has so far made: granola, a ton of pita bread, chicken katsu, mushroom soup, tzatziki. All in a week. I have enjoyed all of it.
3. Realizing that the bald spot I had inadvertently nervously scratched on my scalp is now healthy and growing hair again. Not gonna lie, it was bad in December but now it has recovered.
4. Inheriting old shirts my brother outgrew. Half of them I gifted, and now am enjoying.
It doesn’t look like me and the pose is awkward, mostly because this was four sangrias in with little sleep.
I’d like to think I was happy in the photo this was based on, albeit a bit dazed. Pre-pandemic, and just a little bit spoiled by having one of my favorite friends around for longer than usual, and being irresponsible with everything else in my life.
And I was. Selfish and dropping everything else that wasn’t work or fun. I barely knew what was happening at home or helped out at all.
The rest of 2020 was a learning experience for me. In both good and bad. I felt like I farmed secrets. Secrets had grown from small things to big, life altering things. I changed my life and made choices that I would never have made otherwise. Things that thrilled but also scared the heck out of me. And that person that smiled for the photo? Not really me anymore.
But even if I have to live with things hidden in my life, I wouldn’t change a thing. I LIVED. It hurt like a motherfucker some of the time, and it was undeniably beautiful the rest, but I got to LIVE.
It’s a lot. Honestly I’m grateful. And I know who I am after the scars (there are actual scars still, if anyone has a scar remedy please let me know) is one who has learned a ton. Of who I am, and who I can still be.
I’m hitting 35 this year, and even with only the buns and me running away from my family if they try to hug me because it’s probably a trick, it’s going to be a hell of a trip.
1. Hanging with two friends after a year and eating amazing Indian food.
2. Being overwhelmed with information that I had to stare at nothing for a while, but tired in a good way, that I can ask questions without feeling too idiotic.
3. Getting three Christmas cards in a week, which were super late but not in the least less appreciated.
4. The buns getting free herbs from friends that can actually grow them. I still can’t grow but have access to rabbit fresh food!
1. The opportunity to start over, working with people I genuinely care for and respect, and raring to make a positive impact on things. —that’s a lot to say but I am optimistic.
2. “Consulting” with a friend about life. And feeling like I actually helped (At least I hope I did)
3. Eating a dozen tamales myself because the rest of the family aren’t fans. If I could eat Mexican food all the time I would.
4. Cleaning out two closets’ worth of clothes to give away. Usually a hit on my self esteem, just feels good now to get myself more space.
5. This postcard from Postsecret. Weirdly comforting, sounds like a friend.
1. Above: Pops celebrating his 67th birthday, with each member of the fam present, having their own favorites, and eating till we were too full to talk.
2. Chibi’s teeth float going well. I always have a nerve wracking time when she has to go under anesthesia, but our vet is wonderful and she went through the procedure like a pro.
3. Getting to talk to old work friends and people I truly respect and admire a few times last week.
4. Less migraines this week. Sounds super lame, but I’ve had massive migraines since the beginning of this year, to only have 1 last week is a blessing.
I will try and keep this up, and not be too dramatic about it. I am approaching this year with a ton of caution and hope. So here are a few things I’m grateful for the week for:
1. This guy, with the Goku hair.
2. The buns getting salad greens, kale and basil and random treats and them being happy about it.
3. Finally finding matchy comfortable cotton pajamas (and on sale).
I have been wanting to get one of these since we saw them more than 5 years ago. Thank goodness for small favors (and the randomness of shopee) that we’re now able to have this on the car, it feels a bit more like Christmas.
This year is going to be so different in how we celebrate the holiday, and I use the term celebrate loosely. While we understand how lucky we are to have all members of the family still here this year (unlike millions of other families), it’s a significantly smaller table, and an incredibly quiet one as well.
I have made my feelings about Christmas pretty clear. I love it. I love being around my extended family. Using one glass because we’re too lazy to pick up one of our own and fill it with ice. Arguing over who ate this much of the food before it even got to the table. Our family is loud and we overeat, and we have traditions that make me happy. We are pivoting this year to celebrating apart, and will see each other post vaccine, when we can share glasses again.
This has been making me less enthused about something I usually wait months for, and plan food and gifts for almost half a year in advance. It’s no tragedy. There are actual tragedies people are dealing with and I am aware of that.
I guess I’m a sucker for the hope that next year will be different. For the family. For other families going through difficulty. For everyone who thought this year was going to be THEIR year.
And six readers, I hope you are a few of those hoping with me. It’s been a hell of a year and it’s not over yet. And I know it feels like hoping for a different year just because we’re writing down a different number seems like an exercise in futility, I still want to.
Because what else do we have but the idea of hope and joy to come?
