Jodythinks

To attachments

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

I’ve been thinking about attachments. What makes people stick? What is it about them that allow for connections to stay connected? How do you decide which ones don’t fray?

I read somewhere that it’s not about who you can live with, but it’s who you can’t live without. I guess that’s true. To a certain degree, we maintain relationships we can’t think about losing. Even if there isn’t much sense to stay attached. Even if sometimes the memories that come with them hurt.

As we get older, the more people fall away as we have less and less time to flit from one thing to the other. Your life becomes more serious, you get more picky about who you spend your waking hours with (since we get tired so easy and early now), and your circle gets smaller and smaller.

As a person in their early 30s I’ve seen people fall away and have experienced loss. It’s not easy but it’s also how you distinguish your “people”. Those who choose to include you in their lives with their ever shortening bull meters. Those who stick with you in the good times and the truly terrible ones.

When you find them, do good by them. Be there for them. Make the effort. Enjoy their company. And thank yourself for being able to do this. Thank the cosmos for leading them to you. Listen to the universe when they guide you to how to help them.

Have you thought about your attachments lately? How are they?

Jodythinks

In defense of taking time for yourself

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There’s controversy in the term “self care” these days because it’s being used to cover a lot of sins. I am quite guilty of this when I try to justify the 5th pair of shoes I bought in a month, or a nice piece of jewelry. It’s a lot of stuff and a lot of times when I bring it home and realize I don’t have anyplace to wear them, buyer’s remorse takes over.

That is not the case for when I get manicures, pedicures, full leg waxes, brow shaping and the like. There are few things that make me feel like an adult that’s got their life together more than walking out the salon all cleaned up. I tend to admire the manicure I could never get right at home, usually in very opaque, light colors that would show every smudge or miss. I wear shorts or skirts more often. I wear mascara and eyeliner to complement my clean brow line. I appreciate it and also, for the brief week and a half after, also tend to make more of an effort to make it last.

It’s not cheap and it usually takes hours, and the self care dolling up is the first thing I drop when I’m trying to save for something, but I can’t advocate enough for it. Take time for yourself to breathe, calm down, get away from the worries of all those other things, and be there for yourself.

In this life, you can’t depend on others to take care of you, so you have to do it for yourself. Whether it’s a nice dolling up session or a 6 course dinner or a really long massage, or just a nice quiet cup of coffee where they’ll leave you alone, do it. Life’s too short and all the crap around us is bound to drive us insane if we forget about ourselves. Self care isn’t just a nice indulgence, these days it’s necessary.

What have you done for self care lately?

Jodythinks

I think you should listen to Florence and the Machine’s “Shake it Out” today

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I think for the two moods of not wanting to get out of bed, and the other of getting ready for an amazing day, Florence and the Machine has songs for both. For today though we are here to listen to Shake it Out because of these lyrics:

Cause I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

‘Cause I like to keep my issues strong

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

It can be quite morbid if you think about it because they’re saying that they will cut out their heart, but for me it’s a jolt to the senses for a brand new start.

(I swear I didn’t mean for that to rhyme)

That melody, it just feels cathartic to me. So start your day with a get up and get things done attitude with Florence and the Machine song, because you deserve it. It may be a dark start but the sun is here to wake you up to a new beginning.

Jodythinks

Happy 4th Gotcha Day Chester!

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Today marks four years since this handsome boy came into our lives. I know it seems sappy and weird to be this attached to a rabbit, but this one, he really is special. He has never tried to hurt or even retaliate any of his sisters. He likes to snuggle up when you’re lying down. He lets even people he’s just met pet and pick him up. He’s just got the best heart and I am very lucky to have had this four years with him. One year left until he’s a senior bunny and I am trying to enjoy every minute, even if I have seen some of his behavior change, the mere fact that I’ve been able to have time to notice has been a blessing. 

Please stay with me and Chibi as long as possible because I cannot imagine our lives without you. I promise to keep giving you as much treats as I can healthily, keep getting you to your vet for checkups and snuggling whenever you want to do so.

I love you!

Cheester on one of his favorite spots on the bed.
Jodythinks

The Home (hopefully) Improvement Project

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From the end of July to mid August, I was working on a personal project that I really enjoyed, which was changing the look of my space. I figured, the last time I changed up anything in this space was high school (more than a decade ago), it was time. And I remember it not being a whole lot expensive to do so, just a little time consuming.

So after buying two paintbrushes (one 4 inch one and a 1 inch one) a roller, and two rolls of masking tape at Divisoria, I took the plunge of painting my room.

I knew after watching a ton of Queer Eye that I wanted to paint my walls white, and I did. My two biggest issues were my two roommates (Chibi and Chester, the bunnies) since they couldn’t be overwhelmed with the chemical smell of the paint and I don’t want them to be able to consume any of the paint or get anything dropped on them. In this aspect, I used a pet gate to separate them from the space, used Davies’s Bio Fresh paint and I painted small chunks of wall at once so as not to make the room smell too much at a time. I fortunately have a lot of windows so I opened all of them most of the week except for when I had work or was sleeping.

And as anyone will tell you, it’s not the painting that’s hard, but the putting aside stuff so it won’t get paint on them, and the laying down of paper and taping up of edges. Even with all that, my floor is a mess of paint splotches and smudges as I am not the neatest of painters.

I did finish though. Most of my space is now white (even the wood cabinets) except for one accent color wall which is a mauve gray I had to have mixed special from Boysen’s Healthy Home line of interior paint, which was more of a smell than the Davies.  I wanted a navy but I didn’t want another blue (which is the color I painted over) and I figure, now I know if I want to change it in a couple years I can.

Here’s what I spent on the renovation project:

  1. 1 Swiffer (the reusable chamois version) P700 to clean the walls beforehand
  2. 1 Gallon of Davies Bio Fresh Paint in Porcelain: P757
  3. 4 paintbrushes: P329
  4. Davies Wood white primer (small): P179
  5. Davies 1 gallon white wood enamel P699
  6. Boysen Healthy Home Mauve Gray 1 Gallon P1179
  7. Blackout curtains P3780
  8. Light clips and cable hooks P299
  9. Christmas LED lights: P249
  10. Masking tape: P160

All in a total of: P8331 or around $150 USD. I did realize that the curtains were the most expensive purchase but they made such a difference and with the hours I work, having extremely gloomy curtains just won’t do.

Here’s what I learned:

  1. Davies Bio Fresh is less of a chemical smell than Boysen Healthy home, however it takes 2 more coats to cover the same amount of space than the Boysen, and it scratches off more easily (I learned this scratch issue when I was putting away the pet gate)
  2. Old newspapers are a godsend for painting, and really helps cover spaces you don’t want to smudge paint on.
  3. Take the time to clean the space first. Otherwise you’re just painting over dust and will have dust balls on your walls forever.
  4. Painter’s tape can actually be more detrimental than useful if you put it on wrong and take off more paint when you take it out, it sticks so well that it can take some of the paint off with it. Regular masking tape used for school/office supplies is fine if you’re not the most skilled.
  5. Rinse off paintbrushes after each use. Otherwise you’ll have to paint with a hardened mess after a day. It’s not easy (or pretty).

With how much I spent and the effort I’ve made, I’m hoping this look will last for at least 3 to 5 years, and then who knows. I really did enjoy myself, even if I may have ticked off my roommates for three weeks with all the activity, it feels like a more peaceful, restful space that I can breathe better in. And who doesn’t want that?

Gratitude · Love/Life

Hug your fathers

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Yesterday, two more people in my circle lost their dads. TWO MORE. 2018 has been such a rollercoaster of emotions but I think seeing people I love lose their fathers has been the most heart wrenching of them all. Too many funerals, too many tears shed, too many Christmases that will be forever changed now that they’re gone.

I had a draft penned, a letter about a fat shaming person in my circle but it all seems so trivial now. Today, and for the rest of the week, I will mourn with my friends of their loss.

So if you still have a dad, hug them today. I never hug my dad and we never say I love you but I might just do that today. Before it’s too late. And I will record his voice. Will take more photos.

Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life

How we deal with privilege (or lack of it)

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Lately I’ve been thinking about privilege. Privilege, from my understanding, is an advantage you’ve been given, one that is not afforded by a lot of the population. There are a lot out there, mostly given through birth and/or timing. A friend jokes about this a lot with another, when there is talk of politics, especially in the US. Race is a privilege we can only be birthed into, the rest, I do think we can acquire.

Wealth and beauty are privileges that some people come into naturally, and the ones that can be most fleeting. Age can wreak havoc on one’s appearance, and wealth can easily be spent away if the person who gets it doesn’t know how to keep it or does nothing to grow it. But what happens when because of your privilege, you don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with the problems for when these go away?

I’m not saying we should feel bad about the rich, beautiful people who might lose their privilege someday, but maybe we should be happy about what we acquire when we don’t have it. Being average looking will force you to develop a personality (whether a good or bad one is up to you). Not having wealth will make you work harder, or do more things to acquire the wealth, and make you all the more determined to sustain it.

So let’s think about this a bit. Not having privilege still gives you an advantage of developing more than what you were born with, and it will probably make you more conscious about what it takes to get there, and have to develop skills and mechanisms to make sure it doesn’t go away. And I think that’s still a good thing to have.

Sure it’ll be easier and albeit so fun to be beautiful, or be born wealthy, and the like, but the cards we’ve been dealt are different, and what we learn to make up for not being evolutionary advantaged may be much more in the end.

What do you think of privilege?

Jodythinks · Love/Life

Lessons in patience and control

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Being in physical therapy for having a bum knee has been teaching me a lot in patience. In as much as I am a fan of just getting the quick fix, this knee thing isn’t going away soon and I have to have a lot of patience and self control in order to get it done.

First off, it takes at least an hour and a half of my day just getting there, and since I don’t want to drive and park for myself to somewhere that takes (supposedly) two short jeepney rides, it takes some self control in being patient with the irresponsible driving and over waiting that taking public transportation needs.

Second is dealing with the red tape. Each time I go, I need to be there at least thirty minutes beforehand so that they can request each session be approved by my HMO. I really don’t understand why it just doesn’t get approved per round of treatment since it seems very much the same process each time and I actually got this done myself in the past for the MRI that preceded all of the sessions.

Third are these:

I am a very impatient person, and these sessions take around 40 minutes to an hour. I know it’s supposed to be slow and steady progress, and without losing the weight (which is another lesson in patience and self control with food that I don’t quite have) the whole point is moot, but I am slowly enjoying the sessions as they force me to sit in a quiet space and just focus on the healing and strengthening that my knee needs to get rid of the cyst and tear that I inadvertently did to it.

Being an adult is exhausting sometimes and this knee thing is really taking a whole lot of energy and time, but as I’ve come to learn, rushing something won’t help things, sometimes it actually may make it worse. It’s how I injured the knee in the first place, and from my experience, even if you put in the work, if your body isn’t ready or you don’t know what you’re doing, you’ll be spending years and hundreds of thousands of pesos paying for looking good for half a year in pictures.

That doesn’t mean I’m giving up though. I’ll get back to shape even if it kills me. And for now, it will kill the cookie loving, ice cream hog in me for now.

What’s taught you patience lately?

Gratitude

I think you should listen to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” today

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

I am a big fan of the classics and The Rolling Stones are one of the greats. With all this talk of self care and positivity, we can forget that the past has some advice for us too. I think music is one of the better ones, with songs that reach generations. One of these songs is Rolling Stones’s You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

Lyrics are here:

[Verse 1]

I saw her today at the reception

A glass of wine in her hand

I knew she was gonna meet her connection

At her feet was a footloose man

 

[Chorus]

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes

Well, you might find

You get what you need

 

[Verse 2]

And I went down to the demonstration

To get my fair share of abuse

Singing, “We’re going to vent our frustration

If we don’t, we’re going to blow a 50-amp fuse”

 

[Chorus]

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes

Well, you just might find

You get what you need

 

[Verse 3]

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore

To get your prescription filled

I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy

And man, did he look pretty ill

We decided that we would have a soda

My favorite flavor, cherry red

I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy

Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was “dead”

I said to him:

 

[Chorus]

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes

Well, you just might find

You get what you need

 

[Verse 4]

You get what you need, yeah, oh baby

I saw her today at the reception

In her glass was a bleeding man

She was practiced at the art of deception

Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands

 

[Outro]

You can’t always get what you want, yeah

You can’t always get what you want, ooh yeah

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes, you just might find

You just might find you get what you need, ah yeah

Ah yeah

Wooh!

Ah you can’t always get what you want (no no)

You can’t always get what you want (you can’t no no)

You can’t always get what you want

…mmm but if you try sometimes, you just might find

You just might find you get what you need

Ah yeah!

Ah yeah! Yeah

People more religious will say, “When God closes a door he opens a window”, and for a lot of non-religious folks, it makes it hard to listen, but when the Stones say “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need”. So the next time you face a disappointment, or face something you view as a failure, it may lead you to something that actually makes better sense.

Listen this humpday Wednesday to a song about moving forward and accepting things may not be what you thought it’d be, but it works out.