What made me happy, July 10, 2023

July 10, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: After being given a glowing once over on my 3 month checkup, a couple things have come up. One, that I had terrible acidity this week, extra keep me up at night episodes, and the other, I fear my knee has ripped fully. Tbd, but need to get answers because I can’t bend without wincing.

But there are bright spots that made me happy this past week:

1. Being able to do a sendoff with a friend of more than 11 years. A friend is packing up her whole family to go to Canada and start a new life. I’ve known her since forever, and even her kids and husband. While we didn’t see each other often enough (see, 3 kids and husband), when we do, it’s always falling into the same dynamic. I am so happy for her, and this is the end of an era, but I am glad that she’s carving out this new life in a new place. If anyone can do it, she can.

2. Moments with Chester. This year, my old man turns 9. That’s pretty dang old for rabbits. He looks it too, and is definitely less spry. But he still comes up to me for treats, or head rubs, and melts in enjoyment. I love him so much, much more than every single bedsheet, pillow and blanket I own and he chews.

3. The randomness of friendship. If you told me five years ago who my closest friends would be, I wouldn’t believe you. However, after reflection lately, I realize that a lot of the people I love — started off in the most random of ways. And I’m grateful for their sunshine. I go dark so often, and can really dig in deep, that just their being happy can make me feel better about my own struggles sometimes. In a world full of bastard covered people with bastard filling, this bastard is incredibly thankful about the bastards around her.

Songs of the week:

Heartbreaker by Mariah Carey feat Jay-Z

Hold Me Tight by Evan Rachel Wood (Across the Universe OST)

Maybe This Time by Liza Minelli (Cabaret OST)

What makes you happy?

-J

Jodythinks · Love/Life

What made me happy, July 3, 2023

July 5, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Gut bothered me all week. Found out why on Friday. Thanks for nothing gut. Need more sleep but brain is also annoying. Things we do to live eh?

But there are bright points that I want to remember.

1. Noodles that turned out great. I had to refill my black vinegar because i am now half plant based dumpling, and with that I saw wide cut noodles and an amazing recipe to make with them. I may be a little obsessed, but also concerned about the amount of soy sauce I keep consuming. Simple food in a bowl. Comforting as hell.

2. Thrift store finds. I love them. It’s so satisfying to find something you know you’ll love for years in them, especially when they cost about 10% of what they would cost in regular shops. Pre-pandemic, outside of undies and specialty clothing, my closet was 90% thrift store finds. We’ve been going since post college, and this actually saved me from going into the office and getting stuck overnight when Ondoy struck. We have a few we always hit, and they’re always nice over there.

3. Cleaning out a closet worth of stuff. In tandem with buying clothes is making space. I cleaned out 3 70L boxes of old clothes that I held on to, in the hope of getting back to the weight, or the style beginning to make sense. I hope the clothes make their way to people that will make good memories with them, and make them happy. I know I did.

What made you happy this week?

Songs of the week:

That Thing You Do! by Billie Joe Armstrong

Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo

From the Start by Laufey

Gratitude · Love/Life

Happy Bourdain Day

June 30, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Anthony Bourdain would have been 67, June 26th of 2023. The demons won and we lost him to them in 2018. Truly befitting that going in that day, I made one of his favorite things: roasted bone marrow. To continue the truly hedonistic celebration, spent a day with friends eating our way through Thai, Vietnamese, Spanish, Mexican and Chinese food, plus two oyster trays, and ended it with massages.

The man lived. He really did. He found the highest of highs, and faced really intense lows. But he loved. He loved so many people. He wrote about humanity so well. He was the narrator we never thought we needed, and we are all the more empty now that he’s gone.

His passion was undeniable, and he was flawed as hell. He took everything to heart and it broke him in the end. I hope he’s found peace where he is.

I will end this with writing that is better than mine, because it was his.

“As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks — on your body or on your heart — are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.”

Cheese · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy, June 26th 2023

June 26, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Sugar is all out of whack, and is affecting so many different things. Losing sleep, breaking out in hives. It’s going to get better it’s just me.

My bright spots from the last week:

1. Acceptance. Late last week, I let go of clothes I had been holding on to for decades. I have accepted that because of everything working against me, my petite size blazers, xs skirts, and post college hoodies are long gone for me. It was half a day of humbling (but also cathartic) going through four 50L boxes, and half my childhood closet. I hope the folks mom chooses to give it to take it out to make their own memories, and feel great about themselves.

2. Getting back to Tita Sundays. Because of a few hiccups — it’s been a while since we’ve had our usual, but it was a really good one. More varied cuisine, definitely more in quantity than usual, and a much needed massage. Do I deserve it? I hope so. Did I flinch a little bit just burning through my wallet? Yeah. Still though, I realize how little my actual world is, and how little responsibility I actually hold, and it’s a luxury right now to even get good food or time away, and I’m making the most of it.

3. A (semi) wake up call. I hate when my gut is right sometimes, and my gut has been nagging at me for a bit now. It’s disheartening, but also gives me a time and space to think. To address where I may have lost my compass and realign it. I have been in limbo for far too long, hoping the sinking feeling in my stomach was just my overanxious mind. So I’m breathing deep. Letting go. Moving forward. It’s been a good run but good runs can’t last forever. I know this more than I can admit.

What made you happy lately? -J

Lost by Frank Ocean

Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations

Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life

What made me happy — June 20, 2023

June 20, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Hives are hivey and insomnia is bad.

I had a few highlights this past week.

1. Having time with friends I’ve had since kindergarten. Decades of friendship and every time we see each other I feel like I’m 12 again, listening to the Spice Girls. We don’t see each other a lot. They have very full lives, offspring even, but we usually come together last minute. I love having them around. Physically tiring, however, a total recharge of my soul.

2. Making plans. Outside of food, plane tickets are my biggest expense that I don’t balk at. With a lot of my loved ones 16 hours and more than 11,000 miles away, it’s money well spent. I can’t wait. Are we there yet?

3. Friends having helpful compulsions. One said friend stayed on my couch for an evening, and started cleaning my bookshelves and office setup while I was showering. Two hours later, my books were dusted, my storage boxes reorganized, my air fryer sparkling. I tell people all the time that I would make a crappy maid, and this really made that clear. I had hired cleaners to do an initial sweep, and did a semi-organizing rush before she came over. I will play to my strengths, and lean into this. Lucky i didn’t offend her too much, just enough for her to want to help.

Songs of the week:

Heat Waves by Glass Animals

Like Real People Do by Hozier

Sleep Well by d4vd

I’m In Love with You by The 1975

What made you happy this past week?

-J

Jodythinks · Love/Life

What made me happy as of June 12th, 2023

June 12, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Hives are back and angrier than ever. Finding a better way to keep myself active so I can sleep better is also a little difficult, but not impossible. Consistency really is something I need to work on, especially with all these medications.

The bright spots of the previous week:

1. Finding The Clumsy Lass. I find solace in poetry, especially in quieter days, when all I feel is the compulsion to yell out because no one is listening. This particular piece really spoke to me:

So the next time

my heart gets drunk on adrenaline

just by looking into someone’s eyes,

I’d rather not fall.

I’d choose to walk,

gradually,

in a pace not too slow

that I miss every chance I get,

and not too fast

that I forget to even think.

I have a tendency to want to run towards things I like with no thoughts of self preservation, or, when hurt, completely shut down.

2. Planning things. After a long wait, good news about long shots turned our way, and now, good things await. There’s a lot to pin down, but in good ways.

Songs of the week:

Miles Apart by Nick Wilson

Favorite Crime by Olivia Rodrigo

Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish

-J

Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life

What made me happy, as of May 29, 2023

May 30, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Hives more than usual, but sleeping a bit better. Zero work on self because my place has been gross. Hoping to do better.

Here are the bright spots:

1. My friend Anna. When I told her about my incredibly irresponsible emotional response to something this week, she showed up for me. I am deeply grateful for my friend, who always knows how to respond. She started planning things with me. She told me about limitations, and gave me real reasons to when she can do and not do things. She gets me. She is sometimes so similar to me, but in a much improved way and has her shit together. She is the first person to call me out on my shit but also the first one to listen when i cry when the shitty decisions lead me to hurt.

2. Safety. There was a super typhoon expected to hit us this weekend. It didn’t. I can’t say i’m not relieved the weather forecast overpredicted it.

3. Finally getting my shelves up and a full length mirror. I have had shelves on my floor for a year and have also wanted a mirror for ages. Now that they’re up, and I have a contact to get other things up, I am excited.

-J

Songs of the week:

You and I by SYML, Charlotte Lawrence

Lovely by Billie Eilish, Khalid

May I Have This Dance by Francis and the Lights, Chance the Rapper

food · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life

What made me happy, as of May 22, 2023

May 25, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Not exercising as much as I need due to extenuating circumstances, been upping my caffeine, not eating great.

The happy thoughts of the previous week:

1. Getting a little bit of perspective. I have been so out of sorts lately that I forgot about other people. Hearing from others and making sure I have all the pieces helps. I’ve been drowning in my own internal monologue that it helps to hear someone else’s voice.

2. Trying new food. I am a sucker for hotpot. Ever since my first Taiwan trip with the best friend, I’ve been trying to find where else to get hotpot that fun. So far, I found one, but in Southern California, which is less than useless to me because that’s even farther than Taipei. Having tried Jiang Nan this week, it was good, but still not amazing. Here’s to the hotpot hunt!

3. Fun coincidences. I have been talking about a watch with my sister and a friend for the past few months, and last week, at a lunch with a coworker, she showed up wearing one. I took it as a sign to get one myself. Did i go to all the stores in the country that had it and failed miserably? Yes, yes I did. But i’m not giving up. I want to get it from the actual store. Use that escort money (inside joke) for something that actually lasts.

Songs of the week:

Sway My Way by R3HAB, Amy Shark

Lost by Frank Ocean

Upside Down by JVKE

Lovers by Anna of the North

What made you happy lately?

-j

Cheese · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy as of week of May 15, 2023

May 15, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Only one hive breakout! But the whole week my brain wouldnt let me sleep. So much to think about, and I need to give myself some space and boundaries. Work in progress.

I had some bright spots. It was a rollercoaster of a week and there were a lot of things on my mind. Good things. Crazy things. Out of bound things. But mostly, good.

1. Having an aha moment with my (adopted) team. Sometimes it’s the big things, sometimes it the small things. This week, it felt like this small moment of collaboration was a good way to get things going. We can all learn from each other, and from what I’ve seen, every single person can contribute. This week, a simple scriptwriting session reminded me of the old days, in the best way. Here’s hoping that bit of momentum keeps us going.

2. Getting by with a little help from my friends. I am a very sentimental person, and I tell my friends all the time that I love them. I don’t know if they are aware of how much they keep me going. In my own quiet spaces, when I feel most alone, I hear them in my head, telling me to go on. When you’re in your head a lot like I am, that counts for so much. This week was definitely something I leaned a lot on them on, and I’m glad they could be here. If not physically, in spirit.

3. Seeing family. We live 3 hours away from cousins on both sides, and aunts and uncles have a lot on their plate. Being able to hang out in an unexpected manner or timing is a blessing. Sharing a meal, talking about random things. I’ve always wanted to move to my mom’s hometown. Maybe I will. Who knows?

Songs of the week:

SNAP by Rosa Linn

The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects

With A Little Help from my Friends by Joe Cocker

-J

Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life

What made me happy, as of May 8, 2023

May 8, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Staus report: Daily hives and insomnia — I can’t quiet my brain a lot.

What made me happy this past week:

1. Getting to reconnect with a former colleague. My world is apparently quite small in my work life, and my life is mostly work. So when it’s a pleasant interaction that is out of the ordinary, I really enjoy it. I haven’t spoken to this person in five years, and I respect them and can only remember good inreractions with them. I’m grateful to have been able to catch up, even if it was a short one.

2. Rediscovering footage from the past 8 years. This week I found photos from the past 8 years, and it is such a timely reminder of how far I’ve come, and how many things I’ve had to go through. The journey has been littered with broken promises (mostly mine), bruised hearts (still me), and a lot of growth (in the waistline, still me). It has been a quiet adventure, but an adventure still the same.

3. Making new connections. Due to an unexpected twist in circumstances, I made a few new connections at work the past week,m. Also, in an unusual move for me, made plans irl with them. And while I was mostly out of it due to exhaustion, it was a good day. Sometimes you need to stretch, and I took a loooong one that proved quite helpful.

Songs of the week:

Love the Way You Lie by Rihanna and Eminem

(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

Let’s Go Home Together by Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan

-J